Quote:
Originally Posted by Biiviz  Fine. You're right, we can't know. We only have two sentences to go by. It's his decision and only he can know. But if his parents are worth a damn, he shouldn't have such a dismissive attitude towards them. |
Yet he does. Regardless of how good or bad his parents are, you don't get to choose how you feel. To a certain extent you get to choose how you react to how you feel, but not all copping strategies are even capable of being run by each person. Some people get so angry that the best thing they can do is walk away before they hit something.
Some of us react to fear by thinking - well, if the worst that's reasonably likely happens, then...
Some of us react to fear by seeking people we trust to talk to about the issue.
Some of us react to fear by running away.
Some of us react to fear by fighting.
How we react, how we're able to react, to that sort of thing depends on how we've been raised. What experiences we've had, what sort of relationships we've had.
You may be thinking that he wouldn't have such a dismissive attitude if his parents actually loved him - entering as an assumption that they do, and then saying that he shouldn't have it. But you can work that in reverse, he does have the attitude, thus his parents were cruddy.
And it would be just as iffy in reverse as it is forwards. It's missing the other half of the equation.
Being gay, or bi, or whatever - and coming out - is by all accounts a scary thing. Coming out about that to parents who have professed anti-whatever politics is bound to result in a certain amount of fear. Coming out to parents who haven't expressed an opinion on those issues is bound to result in a certain amount of fear.
And yet, the decision to do it anyway. To have that trust, to value the relationship enough to want that acceptance.
Maybe his parents do deserve better, maybe they don't. But it is what it is, we are what we are - and we can't simply choose to be otherwise. It's not clear that, lacking that strong relationship, we even would choose to be otherwise if it were possible to just flick a switch and trust people. The decision to trust would require trust enough to make that decision in the first place.
So, instead, we have to build towards it - based on lesser trusts that our current trusts will bear the weight of.
People are frickin' complex. We can't see into someone else's soul and judge how they feel and how they choose, or are capable, of coping with those feelings.
If you're interested in granting people the benefit of the doubt, then it seems to me that people struggle through life as best they can. When someone's trying to seek acceptance and honesty, it's basically all that can reasonably be asked of them. If they feel insecure enough about something that they want a backup plan, I don't see how that's wrong - that's just how they deal. Maybe later on they won't feel the need for that.
It would be nice if they didn't need that, sure. But I think most of us who deal in that way also
agree that it would be nice if we didn't need that. This sort of honesty is, to a certain extent, an attempt to have a stronger relationship after all.
People try, it still stuns me that they do sometimes
Spamming Forum 
35Likes
Re: Coming out to parents on April Fools day 
Linear Mode
