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Mr. Matt has not visited here in some time, so I thought I would make a revised version of this, with my own questions...

If you answer one correctly, you get a cookie. If you answer three correctly, you might get some <3. If you answer five correctly, you get a bag of win. If you answer them all correctly, you get an asteroid loaded with win and everything else mentioned before this. If you fail and get none, you get a massive planet of phail and an asteroid that is loaded to the brim with donkey porn. If six are answered correctly, nothing at all happens, and Shakespeare will arise from the grave and gore you with one of his plays, impaled on the end of a spear.

Alright, here we go!

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Originally Posted by Question 1 (Post 4057257047642)

The earth orbits the sun at approximately 93 million miles distance, and spins at an angle on its axis. It completes a rotation ever 24 hours. At this rate, how long will it take humans to realize that there is something more than just green slime waiting on their floor?

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Originally Posted by Question 2 (Post 456743679487697)

In a room, Tom is being interrogated by two armed men who have already roughed him up to the point of him nearly being unconscious. If he refuses to answer a question, they shock him with a taser. If they know he lied about something, they put a bullet in his leg. When his leg has three bullets, they move to the next and put three more. If he misses the seventh question, they might put a bullet in his head, or toss him back into solitary confinement. By the given information, how many years will it take for his kids to realize that the earth is indeed triangular?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Question 3 (Post 450968304670)

There is an aircraft carrier leaving the east cost of the United States. At the same time, a random small island in the Pacific, which contained nothing but trees, was being nuked by a French book writer who believed he was to lead the world to the moon's east pole. If this is indeed going to happen, how long will it take for a lawyer in New York to ponder the futility of life, and then set his house on fire as part of a cult ritual?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Question 4 (Post 03670497605760576057)

Two men are hunting in the woods. Suddenly, a bear shows up. One lifts his rifle to fire, and the other ducks behind a boulder. The one trying to fire misses, and the bear consequently gores him with its teeth and kills him. Terrified, the man calls 1-800-Geico, and requests a limousine be sent to his location immediatley. If it arrives before the bear eats hunter #2, then when will the contract to found a soaping colony on Mars be struck in 2012?

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Originally Posted by Question 5 (Post 450670576740739764)

George had a black horse, which he loved very much. If Louis orders a hamburger at Mcdonalds, when will it get up and demand the fragging of a random clerk hiding under a rock in some alternate dimension?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Question 6 (Post 49687495679576)

There are approximately 6.7 billion people on Earth. If such is true, how many of them would it take to win a nuclear war in which only one man was present and no nukes were used?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Question 7 (Post 6089670597605)

It is said that the earth is round, or spherical. Using this logic, how many vetices are there in a circular room on said planet?

Fire away.

1. they never will
2. never, earth is a square
3. 7 days (the same time you have to live)
4. December 7, 1941
5. when it feels like it
6. the same poulation as Russia
7. x=51

Here are my answers:

Spoiler:

Question 1: They never will, for that something hiding in the green slime will eat them before they figure out what it is.

Question 2: About the same time it will take for Godzilla to figure out that Tokyo is just a plastic model.

Question 3: He'll never get a chance to set his house on fire. For the French Writer will threaten the lawyer with a nuke. The French writer will then demand that the lawyer must to be the first to go to the moon's east pole in order to confirm that the moon has no atmosphere. If the lawyer doesn't respond, then the french writer will blow up the aircraft carrier with the Nuke.
Naturally the Lawyer sue's the French writer for harassment with explosive weapons. The Lawyer win's the case and get all of the french writer's nuclear bombs, plus the rights to one poorly written French comedy which was supposed to air on NBC in 2089.
The laywer watches a few of these episodes, but unfortunately the series is so stupid that the laywer goes insane and set's his house on fire.

Now, if we add up all the time that took. The answer is approximately fourty two years.

Question 4: Yes, for the second hunter was acctually Dick Cheney. And once he's safe from the bear, he talks Bush into continueing the moon base project. However, they decided to put the base on Mars instead so that they could figure out if there really were marshans on mars. However, once the base is built, they discover that there are in fact no marshans. Thus the publicity of the base dies and is forced to become a soap colony/factory in order to keep it useful.

Plus Bush thinks there are still some Marshans over there.

Question 5: The horse has a rare desease called squibtoe which made the horse think that hamburgers were in fact aliens coming to steal our french fries. George also loves this horse so much that he takes him to Mcdonalds every day, but can never figure out why the horse destroys every burger it sees.
One day George took the horse to Mcdonalds during his lunch hour, and observed Louis ordering a hanburger. The horse, naturally, is very agitated, and demands that the hamburger be fragged immediately. However, the horse whinnied very much when it said this. Thus everyone thought it had in fact ask for poor Johnny the clerk to be fragged.
Fortunately, no one in the room except for the horse was a gamer. Thus no one knew what "fragging" mean't, thus Johnny was never fragged. The whole ordeal took about a half hour, and George and the horse arrived at noon. Since the horse immediately demanded the fragging of Johnny the moment he saw louis ordering the burger, we can deduce that the time was approximately 12:01 .

Question 6: One person surrounded by nuclear radiation.

Question 7: Sphere's and circles have infinite vertices. Thus we can deduce that this circular room has infinite vertices.

How many did I get right?

You got one and a half right, which does nothing.

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:spam:

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I was not interrogated.

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I spammed, I spammed, I spammed. - Julius Spammer

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Ask Steven Colbert

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:cya: Narf

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There are approximately 6.7 billion people on Earth. If such is true, how many of them would it take to win a nuclear war in which only one man was present and no nukes were used?

35234t24tg7u67uqerfq34tqedfassdadfa

Quote:

It is said that the earth is round, or spherical. Using this logic, how many vetices are there in a circular room on said planet?

wanna feel my phenus?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Penguin Unit (Post 3915312)

You got one and a half right, which does nothing.

ooh kewl, which one did I get right?

1.) Never, humans will never realize mother earths dirty secret.

2.) Well, he has no children as he dies; His children in a nearly parallel dimension do figure out the earth is triangular, but you are giving no point of reference to base the "amount of years".

3.) When smoky the bear comes, saving his dirty life, then leaving green slime at humans' doorstep.

4.) That question obviously doesn't make sense, a trick question if you will. "One lifts his rifle to fire, and the other ducks behind a boulder" This couldnt have been referring to humans, as we don't have the mental capacity to spawn "ducks" yet. However, these two "people" must have been an alien race, or more likely socks in bad lighting.
Assuming you do not speak of humans, the contract will be struck on 2013, with 200 kilowatts, effectively sending the contract back into the past, on Feb. 30th, 2012.

5.) When the big 'ol boulder sings.

6.) Half the men who weren't presents.

7.) Intriguing question. Yet a circle has infinite vertices. Too much for any program to calculate, as it is infinite. Assuming you can pause the program in time, before ram fills, with a 3.0ghz pent 4, and 2gb of ram, about 10,723,054 vertices, -500 vertices for each koala in the room, as the texturing and colors will increase calculation time, and -300 for each albino koala, as you can use a lower quality texture because of the simple nature of albinos. Depending on the program, give or take a few.

Quote:

Originally Posted by The-Bleh-Bleh (Post 3915585)

Yay, you got 6 out of 7 right!

*Shakespeare gores you*