Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter

[wssl]

ok this is what happening,

my parents are out with family friends, and theyll be back any minute so i need your help

see, i volunteer on my sister's softball team (im 22 the girls are 15)

and whatever, i met this girl, her name is Alison, and were going out for a while. We have a lot in common, and sometimes i help her with homework. i helped her with her english essay and she still got a D... this is because her teacher is a prick... anywayz

so she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my virginity, so i ask her to have sex

"no no i cant, its not right" she said, but i told her "dont worry, i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, plus ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes."

So then I gave her Diddy Kong Racing and Ken Griffy Jr. Baseball and we went up to my room. she is a bit confused and scared.

then i think to myself- yo i need lube, right? cuz i heard other people saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly.

ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity, so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold and it wont melt, so i microwaved it for 8 minutes and i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, and now shes saying i burned it.

i dont know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guys are really smart please help me.

any idea how to shut her up? should i give her another n64 game?

[beef flaps]

am I this drunk?

[Phoenix_22]

*Moved to the pub*

Originally Posted by wssl

ok this is what happening,

my parents are out with family friends, and theyll be back any minute so i need your help

see, i volunteer on my sister's softball team (im 22 the girls are 15)

and whatever, i met this girl, her name is Alison, and were going out for a while. We have a lot in common, and sometimes i help her with homework. i helped her with her english essay and she still got a D... this is because her teacher is a prick... anywayz

so she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my virginity, so i ask her to have sex

Whoa! Hey, no one said there would be any sex with minors going on.

"no no i cant, its not right" she said, but i told her "dont worry, i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, plus ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes."

Sounds like rape to me.

So then I gave her Diddy Kong Racing and Ken Griffy Jr. Baseball and we went up to my room. she is a bit confused and scared.

then i think to myself- yo i need lube, right? cuz i heard other people saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly.

Oh noez, a sex thread...

ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity, so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold and it wont melt, so i microwaved it for 8 minutes and i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, and now shes saying i burned it.

i dont know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guys are really smart please help me.

any idea how to shut her up? should i give her another n64 game?

Oh my god no! First off, don't have kids...holy shit...don't have kids. Second, get off of her immediately, she is 15...you are 22 dammit! You will hate me for saying it, but you are going down the path of a sexual predator. Give her some cream or whatever, or some ice or something.

Don't give her another n64 game please.

And finally:

Get Therapy!!!

you can complain and banter at me all you want, but its the truth, get some therapy, break up with her, don't ever ever ever have sex with her, don't lust for her, nothing.

[*The.Doctor]

Beef, thats exactly what i was thinking.....

[beef flaps]

Pour some rubbing alcohol on it, that might cool it off.

[Phoenix_22]

Originally Posted by ßeef

am I this drunk?

I *almost* turned off the computer and walked away...i don't know what kept me here.

[beef flaps]

He should have used margarine, butter burns too fast.

[UNDIESRULES]

This has got to be a wind up.

[wssl]

no everybody is about to come into the house, shes screaming cuz her cooter is burning, even after i put iodine and salt in it to try to heal it plz guys how do i shut her up?

[Aeroflot]

Originally Posted by wssl

ok this is what happening,

my parents are out with family friends, and theyll be back any minute so i need your help

see, i volunteer on my sister's softball team (im 22 the girls are 15)

and whatever, i met this girl, her name is Alison, and were going out for a while. We have a lot in common, and sometimes i help her with homework. i helped her with her english essay and she still got a D... this is because her teacher is a prick... anywayz

so she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my virginity, so i ask her to have sex

"no no i cant, its not right" she said, but i told her "dont worry, i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, plus ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes."

So then I gave her Diddy Kong Racing and Ken Griffy Jr. Baseball and we went up to my room. she is a bit confused and scared.

then i think to myself- yo i need lube, right? cuz i heard other people saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly.

ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity, so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold and it wont melt, so i microwaved it for 8 minutes and i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, and now shes saying i burned it.

i dont know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guys are really smart please help me.

any idea how to shut her up? should i give her another n64 game?

:beamme:

It's none of my business to know what you do in your bedroom. So I'm not going to comment on the.. strangeness of your post. I havn't been in any situation like yours, ever, but I would try and appologize and tell her she's going to be ok. Just console her.

Originally Posted by beef

Am I this drunk?

[TheMack]

qqqqqq

Originally Posted by wssl

ok this is what happening,

my parents are out with family friends, and theyll be back any minute so i need your help

see, i volunteer on my sister's softball team (im 22 the girls are 15)

and whatever, i met this girl, her name is Alison, and were going out for a while. We have a lot in common, and sometimes i help her with homework. i helped her with her english essay and she still got a D... this is because her teacher is a prick... anywayz

so she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my virginity, so i ask her to have sex

"no no i cant, its not right" she said, but i told her "dont worry, i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, plus ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes."

So then I gave her Diddy Kong Racing and Ken Griffy Jr. Baseball and we went up to my room. she is a bit confused and scared.

then i think to myself- yo i need lube, right? cuz i heard other people saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly.

ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity, so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold and it wont melt, so i microwaved it for 8 minutes and i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, and now shes saying i burned it.

i dont know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guys are really smart please help me.

any idea how to shut her up? should i give her another n64 game?

Dude, no you didn't. Go be an attention whore elsewhere.

Mack

[*The.Doctor]

see, i volunteer on my sister's softball team (im 22 the girls are 15)

Thats not right, your 22, you should not be going after or even thinking about 15 year olds...

"no no i cant, its not right" she said, but i told her "dont worry, i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, plus ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes."

She was right, and you gave her n64 games just to have sex with you?

ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity, so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold and it wont melt, so i microwaved it for 8 minutes and i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, and now shes saying i burned it.

Now that is messed up, butter? heated for 8 minutes yet? you bet its burned. thats long enough to burn anything.

i dont know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guys are really smart please help me.

To be honest, i don't think you have a chance of getting her to be quite about this.

[NiteStryker]

Originally Posted by wssl

ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity, so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold and it wont melt, so i microwaved it for 8 minutes and i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, and now shes saying i burned it.

Is this a joke?

You poured triple digit temperature butter on a girl that you basicially forced her to have sex with you.

Wow, thats not wierd at all.

You better stow this shit now before you make advances on a girl who runs to the po po. Giving a girl N-64 games wont shut her up. Her saying "no" should shut you up. Quit taking advantage of young naieve girls before I see another name on the Megans Law website.

[Aeroflot]

no everybody is about to come into the house, shes screaming cuz her cooter is burning, even after i put iodine and salt in it to try to heal it plz guys how do i shut her up?

You need to wash the burned area and then apply anit-bactierial/antiseptic cream to her skin. You might want to give her a pain killer or aspirin.

[AegenemmnoN]

Originally Posted by ßeef

am I this drunk?

AHAHHAAH! if i were drunk, i'd wonder.



anyway, this has to be fake.



but if it isnt... for god sake 8 minutes. that would be boiling. you're a genius.



also, a female, when properly aroused is supossed to become "wet" and produce natural lube.

[Komrad_B]

You have convinced a minor to have sex with you by givin her videogames? Do you even realize that what you are doing is illegal?

Now that is messed up, butter? heated for 8 minutes yet? you bet its burned. thats long enough to burn anything.

You've put butter in the microwave for 8 minutes? You're not a great cook, are you?

This is got to be a joke.

[Tap112]

Haha. You got...

[Red Menace]

Okay a) you're an idiot, b) a woman that has sex for material objects is a whore and c) objects in the microwave get extremely hot. Now you know! THANKS COMMON SENSE! I hope you made this up kid, I really hope. I got Goldeneye, think thats enough to buy her silence? WHO THE HELL SAYS COOTER!?!?!?!?!? Girlfriend, you're 22, thats rape!

[wssl]

im completely serious about this, she was screaming bloody murder before, but i shut her up by giving her an n64 controller, and now im hiding her until my parents go to sleep

[Aeroflot]

Did you get my PM?

[Tap112]

eh...

[Komrad_B]

If you're serious, then you are indeed a pathetic looser.

I have two solutions for you :

1. End your live, if you need help, ask.

2. Call the police, and tell them you're a sexual predator

If you're not serious, then stop taking us for cretins.

Sorry if this is semi-melee material, I just don't like rapes, and I think guys responsible for theses should be hung on the spot.

[*The.Doctor]

Originally Posted by wssl

im completely serious about this, she was screaming bloody murder before, but i shut her up by giving her an n64 controller, and now im hiding her until my parents go to sleep

You need therapy, some serious therapy.

[NiteStryker]

Originally Posted by wssl

no everybody is about to come into the house, shes screaming cuz her cooter is burning, even after i put iodine and salt in it to try to heal it plz guys how do i shut her up?

Why dont you just start hacking at it with a knife?


You are an idiot of the highest calibur. And i am willing to bet an attention whore as well. Why the hell are you posting on a forums site about what to do after you burned a girls snatch while commiting statory rape? If I could I'd track your IP right now and report you to the po po. What you did is quite FUBAR, and no girl I kno could be bought off for N-64 cames. Playstation 2 games MABEY but certinly not N-64. Have u tried Atari games yet? Those might work

[Aeroflot]

I'm glad I remembered my first aid class about healing burns from my highly nationalistic, nazi, militant jrotc class.