Offer them money, or a cute picture of a rabbit, in exchange for modship.
Next day, you become a moderator (or more, depending on how much you offered them).
Method 3 -- Blackmail
Locate an AzH or a n0e.
Wait until they do something humiliating -- this should not take too long.
Take some high-quality, exposing photographs.
Have two sets developed/printed.
Show one set to the AzH and/or the n0e, and threaten to release the other set.
Next day, you become a moderator (or more).
Method 4 -- Death/Castration Threats
Locate an AzH or a n0e.
Waving a rusty spoon around, threaten to bludgeon them to death/castrate them if they do not make you a member of staff. Inform them that you have hired several midgets to kill/castrate them with a rusty spoon should anything happen to you.
Next day, you become a moderator (or more).
Method 5 -- Persistence
Locate an AzH or a n0e.
Begin to say 'I wanna be a mod' really, really fast, constantly.
In approximately seven to ten months, you become a moderator (or banned).
Method 6 -- The Idiot's Approach (A.K.A. Working...)
Sign up with a non-offensive name.
Make sure you avoid spamming, flaming, or generally being a n00b.
Try to become a respected member of the community. If you want to become a moderator of one particular forum, post in there -- it helps if you post more to help people than to ask questions.
Maintain this for as long as it takes.
In approximately one to two years, you become a moderator. If you want more, work for another one to two years.
Method 7 -- Go Through The Melee
Gather 50 posts together. It helps if they're good ones / not crap.
Enter The Melee.
Demonstrate your superior vocabulary of curse words, and do so in a rhetoric way so that people either give up or get angry. This is called 'pwning'. While you would be classed as an idiot anywhere else for doing this, in the Melee this is desirable.
Maintain this for as long as it takes.
In approximately five to six months, you become a moderator.
Method 8 -- Go Through The Babe Forum
Research who the most attractive women are, and collect as much ammunition as you can. Searching Google for "softcore" is useful for this.
Post your pictures of scantily-clad ladies at a slow but steady rate, saving the best you have until last.
Make a point of 'ooo'ing and 'aaah'ing at other people's pictures too. This demonstrates that you are more of a man than they are. Make sure you root out any slightly ugly or otherwise marred pictures.
It helps if you include some of your pictures in your avatar and signature.
Maintain this for as long as it takes.
In approximately eight to ten months, you become a moderator.
Method 9 -- Know Your Enemy... I Mean, Boss
Find an administrator which you spoke to once or twice five years ago.
Continually remind him/her of who you are until he/she remembers.
You will then be classed as 'old school', and given special dispensation. You can then become a moderator.
Method 10 -- Pretend to be Famous
Create a thread and state that you are Bruce Willis.
If people do not believe you, post a link to http://www.brucewillis.com, which is proof that you (he) visit(s) the internet.
Next day, you become a moderator (or owner of the forums).
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