Pre-Iraq War: Official IM Records Released

***Mr. Matt*** · February 16th, 2005

BBC News has just released a series of Instant Messenger conversations between various people involved in the run-up and aftermath of the Iraq War.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BBC News 24

Bush: Hey, I think Iraq has weapons of mass destruction!

Bush's Advisor: Really? After we sold it to them? Get out! Nah, they used them, Mr. Prez. Just like we told them to.

Bush: I bet they kept them!

Bush's Advisor: Uh, sure, whatever. Listen, are you going to tell us what you want to do with this potted plant or not? Get back to me via e-mail, I have to burn things.

Departing Member: PIXIE_OF_DOOM

New Member: T3H_5ADDAM

Bush: Hey Saddam, you got any weapons of mass destruction? Nukular shit? Chemical crap? Stuff like that?
Saddam: No mate, I don't have any. Why, you want to sell me some more?

Bush: AhHA! So you DO have WMDs! I hereby order you to disarm!

Saddam: What?! Are you an idiot or something?! Get bent, I don't have any.

Bush: I'll sort this out. Hold on.

New Member: Sex_Kitten
Bush: Hey, Hans, will you go and look if Saddam has any of those weapons we gave him a while ago?

Hans: Uuuh sure Bush. I'll get the boys together. Time for a good ol' fashioned posse. Yeeehaw!

Departing Member: Sex_Kitten

*Some time later*

New Member: Sex_Kitten
Hans: Sorry dude, he don't have none! I can't find 'em!

Bush: He's hiding them. Look harder!

Hans: Uuuh OK boss. Hey, Saddam, you showing me everything you've got?

Saddam: Yep. You wanna check my pants?! There's a WMD down there, I can tell you!

Hans: Uuuh, no thanks. You sure you're showing me everything?

Saddam: Jes... I mean, Allah, man. I even showed you my naked pictures. What more could you possibly want from me? You've seen it all.

Hans: Nope boss, he ain't got any. You want his nekked pics?!? I have 'em!

Bush: Ew, heathen! Get away from me! Ahem. Saddam, I ain't not gonna said it again, man -- dismantle your weapons of mass destruction... or ELSE!!!

Hans: That's it, I'm outta here...

Departing Member: Sex_Kitten
Saddam: Aaaww but I don't got any!!!

Bush: Gimme!

Saddam: I would if I could but I caaaaaan't!

Bush: Gimme!

Saddam: You know what? Just fuck off. I've got a country to run here, I can't be arsed with this crap.

Departing Member: T3H_5ADDAM
Bush: Gimme!

Bush: Gimme!

Bush: Gimm... hello? Hello? HELLO?!? That cheeky sod just closed the convo window...

*Some time passes*

New Member: T3H_5ADDAM
Bush: Gimme NOW!

Saddam: For the last time, NO! Sell me some more and I'll think about it.

Bush: That's it you're outta here.

*Bush leaves his computer and kicks Saddam's arse.*

Saddam: Dammit, why'd you... HEY! My frickin' beard, man! I looked so handsome...

Bush: Ha! Now we'll find them nukular bombs! Lock him up, boys!

Departing Member: T3H_5ADDAM

*Some time passes.*

Bush: Hey, what do you know... he really didn't have any! LOL! And now he's dead. I mean, in prison.

Bush: Um... hey, look over there! It's an Iran! I bet they have some weapons of mass distracti... I mean, destruction...

New Member: Ali K

Ali Khamenei: Yo ma main man, wassup?!1

Bush: I hereby order you to disarm your weapons of mass destruction!

Ali Khamenei: Oh boy...

Ali Khamenei is inviting you to download 'WMD-VIRUS.exe'. Accept?

Bush: I frickin' KNEW it, you...

Departing Member: Georgiey-Buoy

Ali Khamenei: Heh.

Departing Member: Ali K