Whats wrong with this convo?
 

Alright theres this girl I meet online she seems to like me and I like her however when we do meet things become akward from my part and I explained to her that I'm afarid of large crowds.

Please don't laugh at me becuase I get that at school alot I just want to know were I went wrong in this convo becuase I kno I messed up and I don't know were and why so could you please fill me in.

Well heres how our facebook convo went...

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

With respect, she really doesn't seem at all that interested judging by that particular conversation. She doesn't seem to know what she wants either.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

This might just be me, but I would stop going on about how you are "emotionally confused" if I were you.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

Use spoiler tags next time. Also, I believe this is more of a General Yib-Yab (Off Topic) topic rather than one for the Pub.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

You're being bloody pushy considering that it's a girl who, by the sound of things, you barely know. Being like that won't get you anywhere with 99.9% of girls. I would tell you to back off for a bit but to be honest it looks like you've screwed it up too badly for that to make the slightest bit of difference now.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

Well I put this thread in the pub becuase it is a real life issue I am trying to deal with.

Well I only asked if she wants to go out with me becuase I already went out with her at her school dance even thought that didnt go very well becuase of mistakes on my part. The reason I want to go out with her again is becuase I can sense we have alot in common.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

To me you sound like your one of those "clingy emo" types in that convo. Regardless of whether that is true or not it seems like she has made up her mind that some time apart is needed.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

What is a "clingy emo"?

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

Exactly what it sounds like, a clingy emotional person.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

Nigh on everything

The conversation went bad from the first message. I'll just do this the simple way.

Bad opening. Comes across as needy and a bit pushy. If she cared to tell you why she’d make excuses for herself without you prompting her.
Most people don’t like thinking of relationships as a trade system, if you phrase it in those terms whether it’s true or not it makes them uncomfortable. Besides the subtext here could be read that you just don’t want to seem indebted to her. It’s a really strange thing to say in the context.
When people say ‘can’t’ a lot of the time they really mean ‘won’t.’ If she wanted to go she’d suggest another time for herself.

At this point it’s pretty obvious the answer’s going to be along the lines of, ‘never,’ but she doesn’t want to seem mean.

Yeah make her seem like the bad guy in the situation, she’ll thank you for that.

Of course you make her feel uncomfortable, and if new people make you that nervous as well then she’d stand to be in many more situations that make her uncomfortable if she went out with you on any sort of extended basis.

Leave that sort of excuse, whether it’s true or not, well out of the conversation. People are often happier either with an omission of the truth or a straight out lie, if you can’t do that then relationships are going to be very difficult for you.

If she doesn’t know she doesn’t really like you.




Entirely what she’s trying to avoid since she’s worried saying it to you would make her seem like a bad person.

Mentioning how anti-social you are is a bad move. As is pushing for the truth at this point. When they’re trying to avoid the truth people don’t like to be pushed towards it and insisting on it makes you unlikely to get an answer you want.

If she wanted to talk to you over MSN you wouldn’t be blocked on it, pushing for further access to her after she’s essentially told you she doesn’t care about you very much just comes off as weird.

Are you giving her an order here? Clearly she doesn’t miss talking to you so leave her alone.
Remind her how much her life sucks, she’ll enjoy talking about that.

You can’t work it out at this point? It means she finds you odd but doesn’t have the balls to tell you to get lost. Even asking here is out of place since it indicates you lack the social intelligence to work it out for yourself.

Never ever contradict people’s excuses if you don’t want to throw a spanner in the works.
What she’s your counsellor now to load with your emotional baggage? Don’t see why that’d make you seem like a great person to know to her.

And how many more silly moments is she going to think of when you say that? It just reminds her of the other things you’ve said.

‘Emotionally confused’ aren’t really good words to describe yourself with. Telling someone to tell you something about themselves also comes off as being rather odd, usually information like that is volunteered in answer to a question not surrendered in response to an order.

I doubt she does know what to say to get the sort of response she’s looking for. If she did she’d have done away with all the screwing around and ‘I’m not sure’ and just told you to get lost.


What as? A hooker, a murder victim? Considering the setting it’s not really something you tell a girl you’d like to face them in.
I’m thinking you should leave her the hell alone.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

At least give her some time and distance. That can give everyone some chance to clear their heads a bit, and I think that's exactly what you both need right now. And the next time you talk to her, try doing it in person.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

Nem, I added quote tags to your post because as I stated in the edit comment

Holy shit Nem, trying to read that was like stabbing myself with a fork in the hand over and over again

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

You do that a lot then? =p

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

I don't question your fetishes, you don't question mine...

=p



Ahem, on the topic I think Nem pretty much hit the nail on the head with all his points. I'd be worried if she wasn't a bit freaked out.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

You were coming off as a little 'pushy' to say the least in that conversation. From what I read of it, she was simply trying to be nice to you, but really doesn't know how to end it without hurting you. Women respond a hell of a lot better to confidence, especially in the high school years. Right now the way you were talking to her was more desperate sounding and whiny.

I'd suggest leave her alone until she contacts you again. Respect her side of things and when she contacts you back wondering why you haven't tried to contact her lately, just let her know you realized you were being a little obsessive and wanted to give her some space. She "should" respond in a positive way realizing you were respecting her feelings in this matter. Also, don't just say it, mean it.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

You have a lot of growing up to do before you start dating, if this is any indication of your behavior. Next time try being more of a gentleman than an asshole.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

Yeah I agree with everyone.
However I think its worth mentioning this but I was actually born with a communication problem were I would tell someone exactlly what I am thinking and or feeling and this girl dosent have any knowledge of this and I did want to tell her but I felt unconfortable.

There is an actual diagnosis that I have recived becuase of this problem.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

Well sometimes it's better to say nothing instead of the truth to be honest.
It would benefit you greatly. Most of all, after the first can't you should have drawn the conversation to a completely different topic.

And well, once she said that you weirded her and her friends out - I think you hit the crux there. I don't know how you did it, but unless she's overtly sensitive, it must have been something quite apparent.

I got the entire feel from her, that she just kept talking to you, from a point of courtesy to be honest, or she seemed to be willing to talk, but about completely different things.
You on the other hand kept pressing it the whole time. Almost like:"Unless you go out with me, I'll hurt myself."
Well as someone else said, as the clingy emo.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

Leave her alone. Dont talk to her again. At least not untill she tries to talk to you again. If she wants to talk to you again. But leave that up to her.

And I used to be this way too (minus the comms issue). and now I have a lovely girlfriend whom I im uite infatuated with (the relationship is still to young to say that I love her).

So just stop being so clingy and needy. Start being more confident. And dont act like your begging her to stay or else youll never be right in the head. That just freaks people out.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

Well I might be able to talk to her again becuase my friend who hooked me up with her told me he'll try to get her to unblock me on msn again. So if say she decides to unblock me but she isn't talking to me exactly what happend the last time should I start off with a greeting or this is a bad move on my part becuase of this peice of history?

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

And I thought I had it ruff In highschool with my GF, even through your not in Hi school.

I suggest you hadn't bring up GTA.

I suggest you try to contact her in Real life, after giving her a week to cool down. Get some flowers, get a clean shave, etc, and go to her house. Really Tell her you are sorry and didn't try to be a prick (lawl)

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

I actually am in highschool and I've never had a girl friend.

I brought up GTA becuase I know that were both into that video game and when it comes too video games I can talk for days about them.

I really think going to her house unexpectedly will make me seem as werid as a stoned dog. My plan is to first talk to her online and make things right between us and as more time passes on I'll ask her out.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

Ya, Video Gaming isnt a great thing to bring up it with females.

Umm, Since your in High school, I would suggest maybe asking one of her best friends to help you out? Let her or him expain the situation and that you are truly sorry?

OR BETTER YET.

When she is in Math Class or Maths Class, what ever its called, Walk in randomly, yell at the teacher to sit down and shut up, Go down on one leg with flowers in front of her (Like you would if you were going to ask her to marry you) say "Baby, I am really sorry, Will You forgive me?" It'll be soooo romantic that she'll forget everything.

(lmao)


Youg Love......

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

Um. I don't think they were ever dating in the first place, so this would probably be a very bad idea...

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

thats not entirely true. My girlfriend just got Brawl the other day. I went over to her house and we played for hours. And just yesterday, we had a two hour long conversation about Majoras Mask. If the girl is into it, there's no reason not to talk about it.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

It counts on the girl, if its a sport girl or girly girly, you may not want too. But I suggest you would use (Aka Games) use that as another topic later on.

The OR BETTER YET. part of my reply was a joke xD

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

The fact she deleted her Facebook profile because of you is reason enough to leave her well alone. If someone is actively trying to distance themselves from you, coming after them will really seem bad. I basically agree with Nemmerle on the breakdown of the conversation he did earlier, and his conclusion.

Edit: Sorry, I misread the last part of your post. I really don't think you want to be asking this girl out at any point, from what I've seen here the girl doesn't want to be mean, but really thinks you're weird and has an active dislike.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

My advice is this: Don't assume too many things about the actions of others. Don't try too hard. Be patient. Loosen up a bit around new people and just be yourself. If people can't like you for who you are, then they apparently aren't the right people for you to be around.

You may have already ruined any chances with her by pestering her over things when she sounded genuinely unsure of her own opinion of you and your actions at your dance. Reading your transcript seemed like you were badgering her, almost stalker-ish, and I imagine that's not your intent. Had you let her be for awhile, and let her figure it out at her own pace, it may have worked out. Bare in mind though that it's entirely possible that you just aren't the right one for her, and she knows it. It may feel shitty, but you need to move on if that's the case, which I suspect is here.

There are plenty of fish in the sea, so don't get too hung up on just one of them. You're young and still learning the whole relationship process. I'm twice your age and I still can't figure out women, but I've learned enough to realize that they just want you to be yourself, be honest, and do the little things to show you're thinking about them. If a person needs their "space", give it to them. There's always a little give/take in a relationship, but if it's truly right, it will come easy for both of you by just acting natural. You/she shouldn't have to compromise who you are to satisfy the other person. I've also learned to recognize when it isn't right, to admit it to yourself. Whether it's signals they send that show disinterest (as her msn was showing), or not to lead someone on who likes you, but you aren't interested in (be honest and tell them).

Just my $0.02

On a side note, since we're talkin' relationships... (off-topic)

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

What seems to be the consensus is it's best to leave her alone. If she unblocks you but says nothing, you say nothing, she will speak to you when she wants to speak with you, if she wants to speak with you at all.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

DO NOT TALK TO HER. I cant stress that enough. Let her initiate the conversation. Then you can talk to her.

If you are tempted to talk to her, take her off your buddy list (or whatever lists you have her on). She will still be able to talk to you when she is ready.

If you share classes with her, still do not start a conversation with her unless she starts one first. HOWEVER, if she looks at you, you should smile, and then pretend to do something else. This part can be tricky: You dont want to seem rude by ignoring her, but you dont want to appear interested in her. Its all a big game, and you eventually learn what works and doesnt.

Its hard to forget someone you have feelings for. Its also hard to drop someone that has feelings for you without totally crushing them. Trust me, I have experienced both sides of this issue.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

There is a difference between having a communication problem and telling your would-be-girlfriend that "you don't really give a fuck, do you?" when she is either unable or simply does not want to go out with you on a date in the near future. Good for her and leave her and other women alone.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

Aha. See people, he left out a lot of what has happened between us. Seeing as he feels the need to put our conversations up here behind my back, which completely violates my privacy, I think I may as well put out there what he didn't, to make him seem that much better

the reason I'm really not interested in him all started at the dance, where, he touched my butt, looked down my friends and my own dress, kept asking me to go outside alone with him and wore sunglasses inside the whole night.. etc.
now he keeps trying to contact me... even though now, I've told him to leave me alone straight out..
He's being a flat out stalker and all I want is to be left Alone.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

Seeing as this whole situation went on back in May, I would be rather worried about him and your own safety if its still happening.

So every once in a while, a good slap to the face may get the message across. Not often, but it seems pretty necessary right now.

that or a threat to call the cops or something.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

Yea Midgit pretty much said it. If he comes near you again, simply slap him. Or just take it to the cops, get a restraining order. God knows the things we've now heard and already read sounds like it's warranted.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

This high school drama makes me chuckle. Honestly, if she's not interested in you videoslave, save whatever dignity you may have left and move on.

Re: Whats wrong with this convo?
 

About 4:18 thank you and fuck me, yeah I know I was an asshole to everyone.

I'm not trying to be a stalker just trying to understand a few things and trying to learn how make new friends. I think you always seem to want to talk to me in my eyes and by coming on these forums tells me alot. I've tried to make friends with others but there really good at telling me to fuck off and its cool. I also see we're both really stuburn and will not change to cater eachothers needs I'm only as willing as you are.