Is My Dad Insane?

[Metall_pingwin]

The unexplained hate is what struck me the most in all this. Call me blunt but I think you don't even know what to think of your father. Most likely you'r mom was walking around complaining about her relationship with him, and you absorbed it all. You don't have a good reason to actually hate him, you have your mom's reasons. Think about it, and think about what he did to hurt you individually. I understand that your mother's pain has hurt you too, but remeber, he has nothing against you.

[Nederbörd]

Well I don't really know... maybe he does love you after all. Did you ever hear his take on it all? I don't know about you, but as you seemingly refer to your mother for your info about him and his reasons for leaving you it really gives a one sided opinion... yet again you do have your own reasons.

But as others have suggested, I suggest that you go and talk to him, to clear things up once and for all.

[thejadefalcon]

It might not be a bad idea to just forward him your thread starter.

I don't have a clue how he'd react to that.

He is your dad after all, the only one you'll ever have.

Pity.

My dad left when I was 4 but we've maintained a strong relationship.

So did we... at first. But as I grew older, he started to berate me for almost every single piece of knowledge I didn't know. And it just... well... oh, I don't know anymore.

You sound very childish here, and a bit self-pitying.

How? I'm only stating a fact.

A father's love knows no bounds

Maybe with good fathers. If he was so great, why didn't he try to stay with my mum and I for my sake? Or with the other woman for the sake of their two children? Other families do it quite often. Why couldn't he?

the comment on your grandfather was irrelevant and attention-seeking. I'm beginning to think more and more that you're the one needing a place to let this all out (like a psychiatrist)

No, that was relevant. *scrolls up* Well, it seemed relevant when I posted it. And what am I? American? People don't need therapists for every tiny problem in our lives.

I think you don't even know what to think of your father.

True.

Most likely you'r mom was walking around complaining about her relationship with him, and you absorbed it all.

False. To my memory, she never even cried when I was around.

I understand that your mother's pain has hurt you too

That just made me think of something that I'd never considered.

My mother is severly disabled. About seventeen years ago, she started to have problems with her back. She would occasionally have a sharp pain in her back, as though someone had stabbed her. Over the years it's steadily gotten worse and worse. Now, she's in constant pain and she takes about one hundred pills a day (dihydrocodine, pregabalin, things I can barely pronounce, let alone spell). Even the pills barely work any more. No doctor she has ever seen knows what is wrong with her and two operations made her much worse than she was before. She walks on two crutches and for all extended journeys, needs a wheelchair.

I never considered that I hated my father for leaving me, a seven-year-old at the time, to look after her. At that point, the only others who could help if something happened were thirty miles away. They are still twenty-five miles away, even after we moved. So, in essence, it was me and her. After that, I never had much of a childhood. I found it difficult to make friends. I have a total of two friends in the local area and I haven't seen either for about a year. I spent more time caring for her than I do for myself. My school grades dropped sharply after that. I used to think it was because of the school being bad (which was true), but now I think that it could have had something to do with this.

[Rookie103]

It's the same story when parents split up. They both you pretty much anything you want or whatever to win you over.

[Huffardo]

Originally Posted by thejadefalcon

Pity.

Yes, but make the best of what you have.

Originally Posted by thejadefalcon

So did we... at first. But as I grew older, he started to berate me for almost every single piece of knowledge I didn't know. And it just... well... oh, I don't know anymore.

Try to forgive.

Originally Posted by thejadefalcon

How? I'm only stating a fact.

Don't you realize it yourself?

Originally Posted by thejadefalcon

Maybe with good fathers. If he was so great, why didn't he try to stay with my mum and I for my sake? Or with the other woman for the sake of their two children? Other families do it quite often. Why couldn't he?

He isn't perfect, neither are you. He may be a bad father, but why not give him another chance, he has ruined his life and quite probably regrets it? Don't make his mistakes.

Originally Posted by thejadefalcon

No, that was relevant. *scrolls up* Well, it seemed relevant when I posted it. And what am I? American? People don't need therapists for every tiny problem in our lives.

It was relevant, in the way that it gave us a better picture of who you are. Your need for help is apparent and going to a psychiatrist is perfectly normal in your situation, you don't need to be afraid of it.

I'm not a fan of mumbo therapy for anything btw, but you do have some serious problems that you better take care of.

Originally Posted by thejadefalcon

That just made me think of something that I'd never considered.

My mother is severly disabled. About seventeen years ago, she started to have problems with her back. She would occasionally have a sharp pain in her back, as though someone had stabbed her. Over the years it's steadily gotten worse and worse. Now, she's in constant pain and she takes about one hundred pills a day (dihydrocodine, pregabalin, things I can barely pronounce, let alone spell). Even the pills barely work any more. No doctor she has ever seen knows what is wrong with her and two operations made her much worse than she was before. She walks on two crutches and for all extended journeys, needs a wheelchair.

I never considered that I hated my father for leaving me, a seven-year-old at the time, to look after her. At that point, the only others who could help if something happened were thirty miles away. They are still twenty-five miles away, even after we moved. So, in essence, it was me and her. After that, I never had much of a childhood. I found it difficult to make friends. I have a total of two friends in the local area and I haven't seen either for about a year. I spent more time caring for her than I do for myself. My school grades dropped sharply after that. I used to think it was because of the school being bad (which was true), but now I think that it could have had something to do with this.

Plenty of disabled people live alone, it seems your mother or more likely your own feel of guilt for your parents splitting up has manipulated you into believing you should put her wellbeing before your own. This might be a cause for projecting your hate of the situation on your father.

Your lack of social activity shouldn't have much to do with neither your mothers disability or your distant relations to your father, but with yourself. Maybe you avoid your friends or they avoid you due to your hostile attitude, but a lack of anyone to talk to (apart from your mother) hardly helps your mental state.

Disclaimer: I am not and will not be a psychiatrist and everything I have written is based solely on your posts without any additional information about you. Don't do anything stupid based on what I said, just seek professional help.

[Rookie103]

Originally Posted by thejadefalcon

Pity.

That's a very bad attitude to have towards it.

[thejadefalcon]

Don't make his mistakes.

I won't. Even if I end up hating my wife (if and when I marry), I'd stay with her for the children.

Plenty of disabled people live alone

No, trust me on this. If my mother lived alone, she would not survive.

it seems your mother or more likely your own feel of guilt for your parents splitting up has manipulated you into believing you should put her wellbeing before your own.

I don't think I've been manipulated. I just have to put her health before mine.

Maybe you avoid your friends or they avoid you due to your hostile attitude, but a lack of anyone to talk to (apart from your mother) hardly helps your mental state.

No, I just don't get time to talk with them because of my mother's health. I try not to avoid my friends unless I'm angry or upset about something in which case I'll probably accidentally take it out on them. I don't tend to have a hostile attitude. In fact, most of my 'friends' actually hated me from their reactions half of the time. But me being a f***ing moron, I kept going back for more. The few good friends I have have mainly lost contact with me. In fact, it's only due to the web that I have any friends at all and they're all in America, New Zealand, Denmark etc etc etc...

[Monster_user]

Originally Posted by thejadefalcon

I won't. Even if I end up hating my wife (if and when I marry), I'd stay with her for the children.

I'm 100% against divorce, but staying together "for the Children" is a bad thing. If you have no hope for your marriage, then you are already divorced.

Originally Posted by thejadefalcon

No, I just don't get time to talk with them because of my mother's health. I try not to avoid my friends unless I'm angry or upset about something in which case I'll probably accidentally take it out on them. I don't tend to have a hostile attitude. In fact, most of my 'friends' actually hated me from their reactions half of the time. But me being a f***ing moron, I kept going back for more. The few good friends I have have mainly lost contact with me. In fact, it's only due to the web that I have any friends at all and they're all in America, New Zealand, Denmark etc etc etc...

Its tough. Friends are important, the ones physically near you are more important.

[darknights]

by any chance has your father been diagnosed with a mental disorder?? Cause from the sound of it, based upon my own experiences with my father who went through something similar, could probably be suffering from a form of bipolar. If he is I highly suggest that he goes to get help to deal with it because it goes in swings before it gets really out of control

[thejadefalcon]

I'm 100% against divorce, but staying together "for the Children" is a bad thing. If you have no hope for your marriage, then you are already divorced.

I support divorce, just as I support abortion. I can partially understand the arguments against abortion (partially), but I've never heard an argument against divorce that didn't sound like Catholic or Muslim propaganda.

Thousands of marriages around the world have broken down, yet they stay together for the children. I suppose it's all in the circumstances. For example, if the ex-husband and wife stay friends, it'd work. And if staying together harms the children in some way, then they should break apart completely.

the ones physically near you are more important.

Well, to be honest, I find the one in New Zealand very easy to talk to, but not the person three miles away.

by any chance has your father been diagnosed with a mental disorder??

Not as far as I know. I think I'm the only one with mental disorders in the family.