How do I prevent my friend from making a BIG mistake?

[AzH]

i have a bit of a situation. let me give you some background:

my housemate, 'Trevor' (not his real name) has been living with me since August last year. he moved in after he split with his Girlfriend of 5 and a half years 'Lucy' (not her real name).

now, things were going great for him eventually. he was over her, had started to see other people and seemed to be enjoying his life again. things for Trevor seemed to be going great.

Lucy, on the otherhand, had taken a turn for the worst and had started whoring herself around the town essentially fucking anything that moved. this is quite disturbing as all the time she was with Trevor she hardly ever had sex with him (in the last years of the relationship). she blamed it, intially, on an event that happened in the past which i won't go into, but later confessed to me that she was sickened by the sight of Trevor.

now, about three weeks ago Trevor and Lucy met on a night out and they ended up going back to her house (where he used to live) and shagging all night long. this happened again a week later.

Trevor told me that he was very confused, that maybe this was a sign that they could get back together. he said she reminded him of the girl he fell in love with nearly six years ago. she responded that she was with another guy 'Noddy' (not his real name) and that Trevor wasn't the one she wanted.

i also heard that she was desperate for a child and that she was tricking Noddy be pretending to keep taking the contraceptive pill when she was actually throwing it away each day. this, i feel, is a despicable act and it has changed utterly my opinion of my once good friend.

a point to note here is that Trevor, due to a health problem in his past, cannot have children.

Trevor is with Lucy right now. he sent me a message:

Beep beep DANGER
DANGER... Lucy
broke up with
Noddy n talkin
bout were we
went wrong... All
emotional! Red
alert red alert!!

i tried to call him straight after but he ignored my call. i then got a further message about an hour later:

Oh well done it now
on kitchen top
couch floor all
over... Now she
doin spag bog (spaghetti bolognese) for
tea... Im lovin it na
na naa naaaa

how the fuck do i stop this guy from making a big mistake and getting involved with a total bitch like Lucy?

1) she's on the rebound from a previous relationship

2) she has been screwing around with different people

3) she wants a child that Trevor cannot give her

i can see only disaster looming on the horizon from this turn of events and i don't like the taste it is leaving in my mouth. they split up every goddam 18 months when they were together and i feel it will happen again.

Trevor doesn't have much to call his own for some his age (30s - not being specific). his home is my house. Lucy, on the otherhand, is a few years younger than me and has her own house which is worth significantly more than what she paid for it and would be quite well off if she soild it. Trevor needs, in my opinion, to get his own shit in order otherwise, he will fall back in with her and leave himself with nothing and a number of years older to boot.

help me. thanks.

[Sherman2]

This me minds me of a song called

Hate Myself in the Morning

Have you voiced your opinion of this to him?

and show him this link:
http://forums.filefront.com/showthre...76#post1885576

Find a was to get him away from her, does she know he cant have kids?

[Mihail]

Tell him to wait, not to rush into another relationship with again her, tell him that shes on the rebound without actually using those words.

It's likely that he like her are just rushing to it again, which will likely have the same out come, again.

[FileTrekker]

I would just discuss it with him and try and get him to see sence. He will probably take it the wrong way but, if he hasnt seen it then, well, from experience, love is blind. He's going to walk into it if he's really determined. The best you can do is to be there for him when he does fall down and try and help him not too.

[beef flaps]

You can tell your friend over and over again, but he's gonna do what he wants.
I have seen this situation before and if you push to much, you might lose him as a friend.
He needs to continue to meet other people and get his mind off this woman (if possible)
Is he in love with her or just happy to be with a woman period?
All you can do is remind him that she broke his heart before and will do it again, and he will have to go through all that getting over perioid again.Remind him he can do better.
He either is going to have to ride it out again and see what happens, break it off now or maybe accept a friends with benefits relationship with this one. She doesn't sound like stable material.

Tough situation for you either way, I wish you luck on this one.

[AzH]

The best you can do is to be there for him when he does fall down and try and help him not too.

this is my problem. i have been there for him through all of this. through the good and the bad. the issue he will have is that when they spilt up again and she kicks him out again it might be years down the road. where will i be by that time? living with someone, starting a family? i won't be able to help him like this again. if he gets back with her is is on his own as far as i am concerned.

all i want is for him to be happy, but i have to consider myself in this also. on one hand if they got back together i would get my full house back, which is nice. but when they split up again will he come knocking on my door. more to the point, will i or my live in girlfriend answer it? my future is clouded but i am getting very serious about my current squeeze and i can see things going further than they are now. maybe this would mean mioving in together in the future, who knows? shit, i'm waffling. i just know he'll be hurt again and i fear that when it happens i won't be there to pick up the pieces.

Tough situation for you either way, I wish you luck on this one.

i think i'll need it!

[beef flaps]

Sounds like you are a great friend to have AzH, he should be so lucky.
I wish the best for him. Love stinks!

[AegenemmnoN]

AzH, i think you should tell your friend how you see the situation from your standpoint.(without saying she has been whoring herself out )
from the outside looking in, things can look so much different than being in the middle of it all.. trust me on this one, ive been in the middle too many damn times.

ive always felt, if you see a person digging their grave, you might want to tell them, even though it may hurt your relationship with them, it is better you at least *try* and get them to see whats going on.

"i also heard that she was desperate for a child and that she was tricking Noddy be pretending to keep taking the contraceptive pill when she was actually throwing it away each day" - this may not be true, but you should really tell him...if true, he has no idea.

best of luck AzH!

hugs n snuggles..

[NiteStryker]

how the fuck do i stop this guy from making a big mistake and getting involved with a total bitch like Lucy?

Well, if the circumstances are as you say, Trevor cannot get her pregnant. That is pretty much the only positive. But that does not mean he cant get an STD from anything that Lucy has gon around spreading her legs for.

Tell him that he needs to stop going for the quick fix and think about the long term issues here. Tell him that he isnt safe from harm just because he cant have children, and tell him that Lucy is playing him.

[Μαjïç MushrøøM]

Alan, I would strongly advise that you tell Trevor to take three steps back and evlauate the situation that he is in before he makes a mistake that could screw him (and perhaps Lucy) for the rest of his life. Instead of being concerned with unfortunate events that took place in the past (and this applies moreso to Lucy), they both need to consider the situation as it is right now to avoid making it worse. Trevor needs to get himself under complete control, ignore his emotional urges and stay away from her until he can pull his life together.

At the same time, you both should do your best to convince Lucy of the grave danger that she is putting herself in in whoring herself out to everybody around town.

Good luck with that, take everybody's advice and hope for the best.