How do I prevent my friend from making a BIG mistake?

[Count Nosferatu]

Originally Posted by AzH

i have a bit of a situation. let me give you some background:

my housemate, 'Trevor' (not his real name) has been living with me since August last year. he moved in after he split with his Girlfriend of 5 and a half years 'Lucy' (not her real name).

now, things were going great for him eventually. he was over her, had started to see other people and seemed to be enjoying his life again. things for Trevor seemed to be going great.

Lucy, on the otherhand, had taken a turn for the worst and had started whoring herself around the town essentially fucking anything that moved. this is quite disturbing as all the time she was with Trevor she hardly ever had sex with him (in the last years of the relationship). she blamed it, intially, on an event that happened in the past which i won't go into, but later confessed to me that she was sickened by the sight of Trevor.

now, about three weeks ago Trevor and Lucy met on a night out and they ended up going back to her house (where he used to live) and shagging all night long. this happened again a week later.

Trevor told me that he was very confused, that maybe this was a sign that they could get back together. he said she reminded him of the girl he fell in love with nearly six years ago. she responded that she was with another guy 'Noddy' (not his real name) and that Trevor wasn't the one she wanted.

i also heard that she was desperate for a child and that she was tricking Noddy be pretending to keep taking the contraceptive pill when she was actually throwing it away each day. this, i feel, is a despicable act and it has changed utterly my opinion of my once good friend.

a point to note here is that Trevor, due to a health problem in his past, cannot have children.

Trevor is with Lucy right now. he sent me a message:

Beep beep DANGER

DANGER... Lucy
broke up with
Noddy n talkin
bout were we
went wrong... All
emotional! Red
alert red alert!!

i tried to call him straight after but he ignored my call. i then got a further message about an hour later:

Oh well done it now

on kitchen top
couch floor all
over... Now she
doin spag bog (spaghetti bolognese) for
tea... Im lovin it na
na naa naaaa

how the fuck do i stop this guy from making a big mistake and getting involved with a total bitch like Lucy?

1) she's on the rebound from a previous relationship

2) she has been screwing around with different people

3) she wants a child that Trevor cannot give her

i can see only disaster looming on the horizon from this turn of events and i don't like the taste it is leaving in my mouth. they split up every goddam 18 months when they were together and i feel it will happen again.

Trevor doesn't have much to call his own for some his age (30s - not being specific). his home is my house. Lucy, on the otherhand, is a few years younger than me and has her own house which is worth significantly more than what she paid for it and would be quite well off if she soild it. Trevor needs, in my opinion, to get his own shit in order otherwise, he will fall back in with her and leave himself with nothing and a number of years older to boot.

help me. thanks.

Difficult decision... if a woman wants a child there's no way you can stop her and if you yourself can't or won't have a child then there is no way in hell she will ever take you, no matter how close she is. Two friends of mine both in their 40s are undergoing similar situations - one can't or doesn't want to have children, the other does. Although not as extreme as our friend Lucy here, their relationships are both very rocky and I suspect the end for both of them.

You may want to point out to him that Lucy is desperate for something he can never give her and that staying together will create an emotional trauma between both of them, not in the short term but in the long term. Even if he doesn't care about himself, if you point out that she'll suffer emotionally as well then he may reconsider.


If he refuses to listen to your advice and pleas (heh as if you'd plea :P) then you've done your duty as a friend... you can't push too much and sour your relationship with a good friend over something which has nothing to do with you...