How do I prevent my friend from making a BIG mistake?

[MrFancypants]

This is a difficult situation. And I think no matter what you do there is a risk that you will do the wrong thing.

Maybe you are right and Lucy will dump him again, maybe you are wrong and everything will work out fine.
If you warn him now with just telling him what you think about Lucy there is a chance that he might avoid some damage from being dumped again. If you warn him and everything works out fine he will eventually forgive you, but he will never forget that you gave him a wrong advice in a difficult situation.
If you don't warn him and she will dump him again then you will have the feeling that you failed as a friend and your friend will get the highest possible damage out of it.
If you don't warn him and everything will work out fine you will just be left with the feeling that you never really spoke your mind to your friend.
Just consider those results and look what pair of results is less bad for you and/or your friend.

I was in a similar situation once, my sister warned me about a girl. I ignored her of course and it turned out that I was right. But I don't hate her for it, I understand that she had only my best in mind. On the other hand I won't forget that she didn't trust in my judgement. But as I am happy with my girlfriend I don't really care about those problems anymore.

So my advice for you is tell him what you think. Not as bluntly as you told us (he will probably try to beat you for that) but still tell him what is on your mind. He will ignore what you say BUT he will at least subconsciously be a bit more careful.

Good luck!

[Μαjïç MushrøøM]

Originally Posted by MrFancypants

This is a difficult situation. And I think no matter what you do there is a risk that you will do the wrong thing.

I do believe that is the case here, unfortunately.

[Phoenix_22]

Originally Posted by AegenemmnoN

AzH, i think you should tell your friend how you see the situation from your standpoint.(without saying she has been whoring herself out )
from the outside looking in, things can look so much different than being in the middle of it all.. trust me on this one, ive been in the middle too many damn times.

ive always felt, if you see a person digging their grave, you might want to tell them, even though it may hurt your relationship with them, it is better you at least *try* and get them to see whats going on.

"i also heard that she was desperate for a child and that she was tricking Noddy be pretending to keep taking the contraceptive pill when she was actually throwing it away each day" - this may not be true, but you should really tell him...if true, he has no idea.

best of luck AzH!

hugs n snuggles..

I agree, many relationships end for a reason, and after being broken up for over 5 years, belive me, this "get together" is just a big bs treatment. However, if you have the same presence and poise that you have on GF then they will listen. Although the truth might break your friendship, it is worth it. They will thank you for saving their life later on. The fact that she is having this whoring-herself-out phase and getting with another guy shows that she is not only an untrustworthy person but also quite possibly a slut in the first place. You rfriend is better off without her, he hopefully will get his own place, etc. But if they get back together all hell could come loose and you might be changing his baby's diapers.

So just be direct about it, and good luck.

[PropheticKarma]

Originally Posted by Phoenix_22

I agree, many relationships end for a reason, and after being broken up for over 5 years, belive me, this "get together" is just a big bs treatment. However, if you have the same presence and poise that you have on GF then they will listen. Although the truth might break your friendship, it is worth it. They will thank you for saving their life later on. The fact that she is having this whoring-herself-out phase and getting with another guy shows that she is not only an untrustworthy person but also quite possibly a slut in the first place. You rfriend is better off without her, he hopefully will get his own place, etc. But if they get back together all hell could come loose and you might be changing his baby's diapers.

So just be direct about it, and good luck.

Agreed. Honesty is the best policy in this situation.
This mistake could shape the rest of his life and yours if he keeps living with you through out it all. He might not accept the truth but that's his decision. All you can really do here is level with him and tell him straight what he's up against.

[shappenfit]

I made the mistake of reuniting with a previous girlfirend about 2 months ago. It ended 2 weeks later. The truth hurts, but people told me that we werent compatible. After all, we did break up once before. Honesty is the best solution for this situation.

[Billy3384]

dude i think yo should becarful when you go to their house it seems kinda dirty

[Ignacio]

When it comes to relationships, people hear what they want to hear, and no amount of warning, cautioning, pleading or threatening will do any good. How many of us can tell about a friend who is in a relationship, or is getting married and EVERYONE knows that it is doomed. And no matter how many people try to warn them, it falls on deaf ears.

Your friend does not seem to care that she has been whoring around, is not concerned about sleeping with everyone SHE has been sleeping with, or does not believe that she has been behaving in that fashion. OR, it is worth it to him to take the risk in trade for the attention he is getting right now.

This is one of those times when it really sucks to watch someone make a major mistake. And the worst part of it is, you really can't say "I told you so" when it goes the way you KNEW it was going to, without looking like a dick.

An unenviable position to be in, for sure. All you can do is speak your mind and let nature take its course.

Should you want to chat off line, you know where to find me. Any time.

Ig

[Artie Bucco]

^^^
i had no idea there was a Nacho on the forums.

[Anlushac11]

Originally Posted by FileTrekker

I would just discuss it with him and try and get him to see sence. He will probably take it the wrong way but, if he hasnt seen it then, well, from experience, love is blind. He's going to walk into it if he's really determined. The best you can do is to be there for him when he does fall down and try and help him not too.

I gotta go with FileTrekker on this one. My experience says this is exactly how it will go down.

A friend recently hooked up with his high school sweetheart and they moved in together. Everyone including me tried to tell him she was using him but he denied all tehir claims and even suggested that tehy were jealous because he was finally happy.

Well in the end he paid off her bills, bought her a car, and she dumped his ass cold, moved in with his "good" friend and let him know she was shagging the next door neighbor and his "good friend" the whole time they were together.

Now he sees how stupid he was and undertands he was being used...but a year ago it would have been a barroom brawl if you tried to tell him the truth.

All you can do is be there when the time comes. If he is truely your friend I suspect you will be there for him no matter what and no matter if your married or not. But whether your future wife will let him camp out on the couch for months is a different story.

[Elrond1982]

I'd have to go with FileTrekker on this one as well. Some people hear what they want to hear and if you tell them what they need to hear but don't want to hear, then their problem often becomes yours. But I agree, think of how to tell the truth to him. In my experience, this 'relationship' with this girl which has been paved in disaster is not going to be any different than before - she will kick him out most likely. It's hard to say what will really happen, but that is probably what will happen. And then it is your problem once again. From my experience, love sucks over everything else, as love is blind. Love is something that is supposed to be great but just causes more destruction than good most of the time. Hey, they may stay together for a while, but not for that long if at all. From the sounds of it, they aren't meant for each other. He has been screwed over many times by this one person - when that happened to me once, I never spoke to the girl again - and I avoided her - I wasn't about to be dragged into that bullshit again. But in this case, if he is determined, he will still pursue this 'Lucy' girl and their relationship. If I were you AzH, I'd consider thinking of what to say to your friend 'Trevor'. If you have been friends for a while, then maybe you can predict how he would react to some ways of telling him the truth. Choose the one that is going to be the least angering to him but also choose something to say that is going to make him consider the truth.

The situation here is:
1) You need to tell him the truth, but tell it to him in a way that doesn't get him too angry to you. You may not be able to avoid him getting a little argumental about it.
2) The truth of the matter is that this girl gets around with a lot of guys - I've known those types. The other truth of the matter is that she wants to have children yet it seems she doesn't want to commit to JUST one man. Pretty crappy situation there.
3) 'Trevor' can't 'knock her up' so that's definitely the only positive thing, yet since she has slept around a lot, she may be carrying more than her own ideas about this relationship (stds, a hurtful relationship, etc).
4) If he doesn't have a job he needs to find one and become independent. And if he does have a job, he's going to still have to get to thinking about the future - the only one that maybe able to help him there is you - but he will have to be convinced to help himself for once and not see the easy way out of things.

That's pretty much the situation, perhaps there's more to say on that, but I can't think of anything else. All I can say is hang in there - life is rough and in situations like that, life is even rougher. You'll get through it. You of course will have to look to your own needs. Keep that in mind whilst trying to help your friend. And good luck!

PS: If I didn't mention this before: Love Sucks!