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..::RedDogSeven::..

January 11th, 2004 01:53 AM

Re: Need some advice...

I know this sounds harsh or inconsiderate, and believe me if it does, I apologize. Truely in this case, although I'm not in your shoes, I would let him go. One thing that just stood out was that his dad died. If he was close with his fater or played a big influence on him, he hurts. Doesn't even matter if you can read the signs. It sounds like he feels in his life, his world, he has to do it. And you know what, he probably will fail, and thats ok. It will just mean that in his life, he will most likely take harder knocks than others for him to see things in a more rational way.

Please understand that I know you have and are doing your best to talk sense to him, but remember thats what a friend does, but there a point when you allow them to see what you foresaw.

I really do hope it works out, which it will!
Take care!

Darkness Knight 15

January 12th, 2004 04:49 PM

Re: Need some advice...

Quote:

Quote:
Originally Posted by matt_el_g
...and when he is stuck there, his good friend Wiener will help him get back. Won't you, Wiener?

If there were absolutely no other way, I guess I would...
He'd owe me BIG time for that though....

And Kuja, if I were to try to break his aspirations of going to japan, I'd have to use hate. Make him aware of the obvious things that are right in front of him. As matt said, doing that would drive him away.
As I said, I'd only do that as a last resort. I hate being mean.

Quote:
Originally Posted by matt_el_g
Become a lawyer for a day - prosecute Japan as hard as you can.

:lol: Actually, I might just do that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarknessKnight15
Maybe you should let him go and once he relizes (sp?) his mistake, pay for plane tickets or something or drive out to Japan to pick him up (if you can from where you live) to bring him back home where he belongs.

I just haven't got the cash to do that. and frankly, neither does my friend, what I mean is that he can't really afford to spend that much money.

He can't really afford to redo another year of school, he's getting too old for that. He's turning 20 this year. There's a certain limit as to how long you can stay in school. Plus, I'm not sure he'd make it without us there to support him. Most of us are doing the German Abitur, the German final certificate and university entrance, so we're still here this year, but definitely not next year. Plus, sometime next year I'm moving out of SA to go to university in Europe(Was thinking of Maastricht in Holland).

I think I'll ask him just how he plans to get a japanese work permit with mediocre qualifications and a shortage of work spaces in japan.

Thanks for all your advice though guys
Cheers,
Lord Wiener :type:

Oh, ok. Wel I can't think of anything else to say other then, good luck.

Mr. Matt

January 12th, 2004 07:02 PM

Re: Need some advice...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kuja

I saved friends from commiting suicide i helped them threw, i helped a friend threw a rape and many more. These solution are much better then you could even imagine. When someone has a dieing cat and it's only a matter of time before it's gone. Most time they have 2 option. Kill it and get a new one or let fix it with medication for temporary survival but the cat will still die and continue to suffer while medicated. What im proposing is a way for the guy to get a new start which is a very rare oporunity to someone. You clearly have no idea what im talking about or the effect of any solution. Telling someone that has it's bad objective already set in a normal manner will achieve NOTHING. The person will just fake any interest in whatever the person say as it would be against what he want. You cannot just say

Helper: "oh, but it's a bad idea. Reason... Blahblah...Explanation...BlahBlah"
Helped: "yeah, i know but il still do it. It's gonna work dont worry!"
Helper: " Nope it wont really cause of blahblahblah."
Helped: "Whatever*Ignore*"
Helper: "Blahblahblah"
Helped: "*Ignore*"
Helper: "blahblahblah"
Helped: "Stfu about it already will you ?"
The one helping will never get to anything with that kind of soft talk your proposing. To get someone attention in these situation you need to be hard and do like i said. You clearly never helped ppl in that kind of situation.

I'm curious about many things.

How, exactly do you brake them? You keep saying you should take the hard approach, but, how? Shout at them? Injure them? Insult them? If you'd helped people in suicide situations, you'd know that isn't the thing to do. It only demoralises them. My aunt was depressed to the point of suicide. Don't make assumptions like that again. One reason why she was like that? She didn't feel appreciated. Taking the hard approached could possibly have killed her.

Secondly... would you be so frivilous with the life of a human? Humans die too. Are you suggesting we end medical treatment, as it's a waste of time saving anyone? Maybe no-one should have kids anymore. They die anyway. Cats, too, why buy the cat in the first place?

..::RedDogSeven::..

January 15th, 2004 10:24 AM

Re: Need some advice...

So what's the latest on this LW? Have you been able to make any progress? Are you still tring to sway him, or did you throw the towel in?

Cya!

Lord Wiener

January 15th, 2004 12:24 PM

Re: Need some advice...

Haven't seen him yet. And as I said he's really annoying.
I'm seeing him on tuesday, when school starts.

And now that idiot wants to go to canada to visit a friend after he's been to japan.........
I just don't believe what I hear anymore...

Plus, what really pisses me off is that he talks a lot of shit about me behind my back over msn messenger to another friend of mine. Now this guy tells me everything that guy says about me. And some of it is infuriating.....for instance, all I know about computers and hardware I learned from my older brother. I'm not a genius, but if something's wrong with a pc, in 90% of all cases I can fix it. Now when I went over to germany last year I brought back a whole lot of upgrades. Now I asked this guy if he wanted to come over and help me build it. Last week I repaired the pc of another friend of mine. Now on chat the guy asked my friend if I had done most the work. My friend said yes. The guy then says that he can't believe it, after all I was dumb considering hardware, blablabla, but that I had gotten smarter through HIS help with my pc....
Now get this straight: He isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. And he's calling ME dumb. He redid a year of school. That is an insult. SO....ANGRY...RIGHT...NOW

*deeep breath*

I am going to have one last talk with him about the matter, and if he ignores me, then I'm basically gonna say "right mate, fuck off, you've been warned."

Cpt_Nukem

January 15th, 2004 02:35 PM

Re: Need some advice...

You need to let him go his own way....even if YOU feel he may fail, you cannot be 100% sure, and even if he does, it will be a lesson that he will need to learn on his own, because from what I hear you saying, he isnt going to listen to you anyways, you may however be able to convince him to take more time in thinking about his decision, perhaps getting him to insure he has a plan to fall back on if he does in fact fail as you think he will, but if you truely wish to show him you are a friend, then support him in whatever decision he makes, even if you disagree with it. Good luck to you; and your friend.

Scipio

January 15th, 2004 02:39 PM

Re: Need some advice...

I hate it when people get so annoying and bad when you might just have to say enough is enough and pray...errrr....hope that it gets better.

Kuja	January 15th, 2004 03:23 PM

Re: Need some advice...

Quote:

Originally Posted by matt_el_g

Ah again as i see that almost everyday... Words that are used yet the person that use them have no clue what they mean... Being hard doesnt mean doesnt mean using violence, to causing pain, to demorale someone or to insult. It mean to just be hard with the person and not stop even tho the person might react in a way where you think you should stop. The point in breaking someone is to play directly in their emotion and break them so they can let it out. They will then rebuild their emotions or *regenerate* them if you prefer. They will be more stable and will not have the lack of judgement when making descision. Doing what i said to your aunt would of helped. As it was her emotion that were making her think she wasnt appreciated. So by destroying the base of those unstabble emotion and rebuilding a stronger base she would of been fixed.

CHAKA

January 17th, 2004 12:13 PM

Re: Need some advice...

I think I get was Kuja is saying... she means sit them down and tell them pretty much exactly what you think, go into your reasons about it, etc. and don't be gentle about it. The fact is most people don't want help whether they obviously need it or not, and you have to break through that barrier so they will let you help them. That's what she means by 'destroying them', you destroy the walls around them. You have to know when to stop though, carrying it too far would be very bad...

Nemmerle

January 18th, 2004 10:29 AM

Re: Need some advice...

I would sugest he go on a short holiday in japan for a week or so .
So that he can SEE whether he likes it or not and how expensive stuff is whether he would be able to suport himself etc.
As to the idea of breaking someone I would have to disagree.
Its all very well destroying a person .
But when their rebuilding it can go either way.
They might[I] think you were only trying to help them.
Or They might think that they had been betrayed that you had only used your position of trust to cause them pain and to hurt them.
in which case they would find it very hard to trust people again
and dont say you can supervise the rebuilding ,a person has to do this for themselves or the foundation wont hold and in a couple of years it all comes crashing down.

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