2202788

Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter

wssl

July 28th, 2005 09:51 PM

ok this is what happening,

my parents are out with family friends, and theyll be back any minute so i need your help

see, i volunteer on my sister's softball team (im 22 the girls are 15)

and whatever, i met this girl, her name is Alison, and were going out for a while. We have a lot in common, and sometimes i help her with homework. i helped her with her english essay and she still got a D... this is because her teacher is a prick... anywayz

so she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my virginity, so i ask her to have sex

"no no i cant, its not right" she said, but i told her "dont worry, i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, plus ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes."

So then I gave her Diddy Kong Racing and Ken Griffy Jr. Baseball and we went up to my room. she is a bit confused and scared.

then i think to myself- yo i need lube, right? cuz i heard other people saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly.

ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity, so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold and it wont melt, so i microwaved it for 8 minutes and i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, and now shes saying i burned it.

i dont know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guys are really smart please help me.

any idea how to shut her up? should i give her another n64 game?

2202792

Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter

July 28th, 2005 09:54 PM

am I this drunk?

2202797

Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter

July 28th, 2005 09:58 PM

*Moved to the pub*

Whoa! Hey, no one said there would be any sex with minors going on.

Sounds like rape to me.

Oh noez, a sex thread...

Oh my god no! First off, don't have kids...holy shit...don't have kids. Second, get off of her immediately, she is 15...you are 22 dammit! You will hate me for saying it, but you are going down the path of a sexual predator. Give her some cream or whatever, or some ice or something.

Don't give her another n64 game please.

And finally:

Get Therapy!!!

you can complain and banter at me all you want, but its the truth, get some therapy, break up with her, don't ever ever ever have sex with her, don't lust for her, nothing.

2202800

Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter

July 28th, 2005 09:59 PM

Beef, thats exactly what i was thinking.....

2202801

Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter

July 28th, 2005 10:00 PM

Pour some rubbing alcohol on it, that might cool it off.

2202804

Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter

July 28th, 2005 10:01 PM

I *almost* turned off the computer and walked away...i don't know what kept me here.

2202806

Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter

July 28th, 2005 10:03 PM

He should have used margarine, butter burns too fast.

2202810

Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter

July 28th, 2005 10:05 PM

This has got to be a wind up.

2202830

Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter

wssl

July 28th, 2005 10:12 PM

no everybody is about to come into the house, shes screaming cuz her cooter is burning, even after i put iodine and salt in it to try to heal it plz guys how do i shut her up?

2202834

Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter

July 28th, 2005 10:14 PM

:beamme:

It's none of my business to know what you do in your bedroom. So I'm not going to comment on the.. strangeness of your post. I havn't been in any situation like yours, ever, but I would try and appologize and tell her she's going to be ok. Just console her.