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wssl July 28th, 2005 09:51 PM
Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
ok this is what happening,

my parents are out with family friends, and theyll be back any minute so i need your help

see, i volunteer on my sister's softball team (im 22 the girls are 15)

and whatever, i met this girl, her name is Alison, and were going out for a while. We have a lot in common, and sometimes i help her with homework. i helped her with her english essay and she still got a D... this is because her teacher is a prick... anywayz

so she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my virginity, so i ask her to have sex

"no no i cant, its not right" she said, but i told her "dont worry, i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, plus ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes."

So then I gave her Diddy Kong Racing and Ken Griffy Jr. Baseball and we went up to my room. she is a bit confused and scared.

then i think to myself- yo i need lube, right? cuz i heard other people saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly.

ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity, so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold and it wont melt, so i microwaved it for 8 minutes and i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, and now shes saying i burned it.

i dont know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guys are really smart please help me.

any idea how to shut her up? should i give her another n64 game?

beef flaps July 28th, 2005 09:54 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
am I this drunk?

Phoenix_22 July 28th, 2005 09:58 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
*Moved to the pub*

Quote:
Originally Posted by wssl
ok this is what happening,

my parents are out with family friends, and theyll be back any minute so i need your help

see, i volunteer on my sister's softball team (im 22 the girls are 15)

and whatever, i met this girl, her name is Alison, and were going out for a while. We have a lot in common, and sometimes i help her with homework. i helped her with her english essay and she still got a D... this is because her teacher is a prick... anywayz

so she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my virginity, so i ask her to have sex
Whoa! Hey, no one said there would be any sex with minors going on.:uhoh:

Quote:
"no no i cant, its not right" she said, but i told her "dont worry, i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, plus ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes."
Sounds like rape to me.:uhm:

Quote:
So then I gave her Diddy Kong Racing and Ken Griffy Jr. Baseball and we went up to my room. she is a bit confused and scared.

then i think to myself- yo i need lube, right? cuz i heard other people saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly.
Oh noez, a sex thread...

Quote:
ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity, so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold and it wont melt, so i microwaved it for 8 minutes and i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, and now shes saying i burned it.

i dont know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guys are really smart please help me.

any idea how to shut her up? should i give her another n64 game?
Oh my god no! First off, don't have kids...holy shit...don't have kids. Second, get off of her immediately, she is 15...you are 22 dammit! :mad: You will hate me for saying it, but you are going down the path of a sexual predator. Give her some cream or whatever, or some ice or something.

Don't give her another n64 game please.

And finally:

Get Therapy!!!

you can complain and banter at me all you want, but its the truth, get some therapy, break up with her, don't ever ever ever have sex with her, don't lust for her, nothing.

*The.Doctor July 28th, 2005 09:59 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Beef, thats exactly what i was thinking.....

beef flaps July 28th, 2005 10:00 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Pour some rubbing alcohol on it, that might cool it off.

Phoenix_22 July 28th, 2005 10:01 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ßeef
am I this drunk?
I *almost* turned off the computer and walked away...i don't know what kept me here.:lookaround:

beef flaps July 28th, 2005 10:03 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
He should have used margarine, butter burns too fast.

UNDIESRULES July 28th, 2005 10:05 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
This has got to be a wind up.

wssl July 28th, 2005 10:12 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
no everybody is about to come into the house, shes screaming cuz her cooter is burning, even after i put iodine and salt in it to try to heal it plz guys how do i shut her up?

Aeroflot July 28th, 2005 10:14 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by wssl
ok this is what happening,

my parents are out with family friends, and theyll be back any minute so i need your help

see, i volunteer on my sister's softball team (im 22 the girls are 15)

and whatever, i met this girl, her name is Alison, and were going out for a while. We have a lot in common, and sometimes i help her with homework. i helped her with her english essay and she still got a D... this is because her teacher is a prick... anywayz

so she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my virginity, so i ask her to have sex

"no no i cant, its not right" she said, but i told her "dont worry, i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, plus ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes."

So then I gave her Diddy Kong Racing and Ken Griffy Jr. Baseball and we went up to my room. she is a bit confused and scared.

then i think to myself- yo i need lube, right? cuz i heard other people saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly.

ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity, so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold and it wont melt, so i microwaved it for 8 minutes and i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, and now shes saying i burned it.

i dont know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guys are really smart please help me.

any idea how to shut her up? should i give her another n64 game?
:beamme:

It's none of my business to know what you do in your bedroom. So I'm not going to comment on the.. strangeness of your post. I havn't been in any situation like yours, ever, but I would try and appologize and tell her she's going to be ok. Just console her.


Quote:
Originally Posted by beef
Am I this drunk?
:lolpoint:

TheMack July 28th, 2005 10:18 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
qqqqqq
Quote:
Originally Posted by wssl
ok this is what happening,

my parents are out with family friends, and theyll be back any minute so i need your help

see, i volunteer on my sister's softball team (im 22 the girls are 15)

and whatever, i met this girl, her name is Alison, and were going out for a while. We have a lot in common, and sometimes i help her with homework. i helped her with her english essay and she still got a D... this is because her teacher is a prick... anywayz

so she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my virginity, so i ask her to have sex

"no no i cant, its not right" she said, but i told her "dont worry, i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, plus ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes."

So then I gave her Diddy Kong Racing and Ken Griffy Jr. Baseball and we went up to my room. she is a bit confused and scared.

then i think to myself- yo i need lube, right? cuz i heard other people saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly.

ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity, so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold and it wont melt, so i microwaved it for 8 minutes and i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, and now shes saying i burned it.

i dont know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guys are really smart please help me.

any idea how to shut her up? should i give her another n64 game?
Dude, no you didn't. Go be an attention whore elsewhere.

Mack

*The.Doctor July 28th, 2005 10:18 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Quote:
see, i volunteer on my sister's softball team (im 22 the girls are 15)
Thats not right, your 22, you should not be going after or even thinking about 15 year olds...

Quote:
"no no i cant, its not right" she said, but i told her "dont worry, i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, plus ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes."
She was right, and you gave her n64 games just to have sex with you?

Quote:
ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity, so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold and it wont melt, so i microwaved it for 8 minutes and i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, and now shes saying i burned it.
Now that is messed up, butter? heated for 8 minutes yet? you bet its burned. thats long enough to burn anything.

Quote:
i dont know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guys are really smart please help me.
To be honest, i don't think you have a chance of getting her to be quite about this. http://www.gamingforums.com/images/smilies/ohlord.gif

NiteStryker July 28th, 2005 10:18 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by wssl
ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity, so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold and it wont melt, so i microwaved it for 8 minutes and i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, and now shes saying i burned it.
:dropsjaw:

Is this a joke?

You poured triple digit temperature butter on a girl that you basicially forced her to have sex with you.

Wow, thats not wierd at all. :rolleyes:

You better stow this shit now before you make advances on a girl who runs to the po po. Giving a girl N-64 games wont shut her up. Her saying "no" should shut you up. Quit taking advantage of young naieve girls before I see another name on the Megans Law website.

Aeroflot July 28th, 2005 10:18 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Quote:
no everybody is about to come into the house, shes screaming cuz her cooter is burning, even after i put iodine and salt in it to try to heal it plz guys how do i shut her up?

You need to wash the burned area and then apply anit-bactierial/antiseptic cream to her skin. You might want to give her a pain killer or aspirin.

AegenemmnoN July 28th, 2005 10:19 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ßeef
am I this drunk?

AHAHHAAH! if i were drunk, i'd wonder.



anyway, this has to be fake. :vikki:



but if it isnt... for god sake 8 minutes. that would be boiling. you're a genius.



also, a female, when properly aroused is supossed to become "wet" and produce natural lube. :uhoh:

Komrad_B July 28th, 2005 10:21 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
You have convinced a minor to have sex with you by givin her videogames? Do you even realize that what you are doing is illegal?

Quote:
Now that is messed up, butter? heated for 8 minutes yet? you bet its burned. thats long enough to burn anything.
You've put butter in the microwave for 8 minutes? You're not a great cook, are you?

This is got to be a joke.

Tap112 July 28th, 2005 10:21 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Haha. You got...
http://www.teamsnak.com/pwned/23.jpg

Red Menace July 28th, 2005 10:21 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Okay a) you're an idiot, b) a woman that has sex for material objects is a whore and c) objects in the microwave get extremely hot. Now you know! THANKS COMMON SENSE! :thatsgreat: I hope you made this up kid, I really hope. I got Goldeneye, think thats enough to buy her silence? WHO THE HELL SAYS COOTER!?!?!?!?!? Girlfriend, you're 22, thats rape!

wssl July 28th, 2005 10:26 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
im completely serious about this, she was screaming bloody murder before, but i shut her up by giving her an n64 controller, and now im hiding her until my parents go to sleep

Aeroflot July 28th, 2005 10:26 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Did you get my PM?

Tap112 July 28th, 2005 10:27 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
eh...

http://www.elrockshop.com/images/pro...d-7020shih.gif

Komrad_B July 28th, 2005 10:29 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
If you're serious, then you are indeed a pathetic looser.

I have two solutions for you :

1. End your live, if you need help, ask.

2. Call the police, and tell them you're a sexual predator

If you're not serious, then stop taking us for cretins.

Sorry if this is semi-melee material, I just don't like rapes, and I think guys responsible for theses should be hung on the spot.

*The.Doctor July 28th, 2005 10:30 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by wssl
im completely serious about this, she was screaming bloody murder before, but i shut her up by giving her an n64 controller, and now im hiding her until my parents go to sleep
You need therapy, some serious therapy.

NiteStryker July 28th, 2005 10:30 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by wssl
no everybody is about to come into the house, shes screaming cuz her cooter is burning, even after i put iodine and salt in it to try to heal it plz guys how do i shut her up?
:rofl:

Why dont you just start hacking at it with a knife?


You are an idiot of the highest calibur. And i am willing to bet an attention whore as well. Why the hell are you posting on a forums site about what to do after you burned a girls snatch while commiting statory rape? If I could I'd track your IP right now and report you to the po po. What you did is quite FUBAR, and no girl I kno could be bought off for N-64 cames. Playstation 2 games MABEY but certinly not N-64. Have u tried Atari games yet? Those might work :rolleyes:

Aeroflot July 28th, 2005 10:31 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
I'm glad I remembered my first aid class about healing burns from my highly nationalistic, nazi, militant jrotc class.

Tap112 July 28th, 2005 10:31 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
OMG GUYS I BURNED MY COoTER TOO OMFGODZ LOLZORZ WTFMATE !!!!11!111222


Do you think it will help if I pour some liquid nitrogen on it???!?!

beef flaps July 28th, 2005 10:32 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
What can I get for a PS2 system?
She busy tomorrow?

Red Menace July 28th, 2005 10:33 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by wssl
im completely serious about this, she was screaming bloody murder before, but i shut her up by giving her an n64 controller, and now im hiding her until my parents go to sleep
Okay, if you're serious, you gotta get her out of the house, okay, first give her a light sedative, then when she is unconscious move her out to your car (I assume you drive), drive her past county or even state lines if you can manage and dump her and floor it!

Aeroflot July 28th, 2005 10:34 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
OMG! Don't listen to him.

wssl July 28th, 2005 10:34 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
you guys are so smart! i snuck some aspirin and stuff to her to start off, then later, ill let her out of the closet and do the rest when my parents go to sleep

Red Menace July 28th, 2005 10:34 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Yeah, that way you can keep the N64 games!

Aeroflot July 28th, 2005 10:36 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by wssl
you guys are so smart! i snuck some aspirin and stuff to her to start off, then later, ill let her out of the closet and do the rest when my parents go to sleep

You do the other two steps I told you to do?

Tap112 July 28th, 2005 10:36 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
http://photos1.blogger.com/img/34/95...20bullshit.jpg

NiteStryker July 28th, 2005 10:37 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tap112
Do you think it will help if I pour some liquid nitrogen on it???!?!
Dont give him any ideas, he already has chlorine in his gene pool.

Whats interesting is that he just signed up today. Less than an hour ago. All his posts are in this thread. So he burned his stautory rape victims snatch, comes onto the internet and then registers on gamingforums, then makes the post.

I smell bullshit.

Komrad_B July 28th, 2005 10:37 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
I can't see this image, Tap :( Is it saying "pawned", or something like that?

NuclearFieldMarshall July 28th, 2005 10:38 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Jesus Christ! You should've posted this in [a certain forum] so that I could curse and swear at you like there's no tomorrow. WTF? She's 15? Jesus! Do you even have a condom? Do you know what will happen to you if she tells someone, and/or she gets pregnant? Christ, what the hell is the matter with you!?

And you know, you're a real idiot, too. Butter? ON YOUR DICK? My God! First off, it's not dry inside her pussy, and if she's aroused (a.k.a. horny), the "flaps" won't have a problem opening. The only thing that you really need lubricant for is anal sex, not "normal" sex (for lack of a better term). Worse yet, you burned the inside of her happy hole? Man, you are one stupid fu*k! I can see why at 22 you haven't lost your virginity.

DON'T YOU DARE SCREW A 15-YEAR-OLD WITH A BURNT HOLE AND WITHOUT A CONDOM!

One last thing. You're 22, and you're still living with your parents?

beef flaps July 28th, 2005 10:38 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by wssl
you guys are so smart! i snuck some aspirin and stuff to her to start off, then later, ill let her out of the closet and do the rest when my parents go to sleep
At least give her a Nestee plunge before you dump her.

Zab July 28th, 2005 10:40 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Either this guy is full of bullshit, which is most likely the case, or soon enough they'll be talking about a missing 15 year old girl on the news..Doesn't really matter both ways. :lol:

Komrad_B July 28th, 2005 10:40 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Quote:
Do you know what will happen to you if she tells someone
Great! Now he might realize that he needs to kill her to keep her silent after the rape. Bravo :thumbsup:

Red Menace July 28th, 2005 10:42 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Komrad_B
Great! Now he might realize that he needs to kill her to keep her silent after the rape. Bravo :thumbsup:
Dude, Goldeneye was a kickass game if he's got that he has her silence!

NuclearFieldMarshall July 28th, 2005 10:43 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Komrad_B

Great! Now he might realize that he needs to kill her to keep her silent after the rape. Bravo :thumbsup:
OH SHIT!

Nordicvs July 28th, 2005 10:44 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Komrad_B
If you're serious, then you are indeed a pathetic looser.

I have two solutions for you :

1. End your live, if you need help, ask.

2. Call the police, and tell them you're a sexual predator

If you're not serious, then stop taking us for cretins.

Sorry if this is semi-melee material, I just don't like rapes, and I think guys responsible for theses should be hung on the spot.
Precisely.

Good bloody fuck, you are sick, wssl (short for Weasel?).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Red Menace
Okay a) you're an idiot, b) a woman that has sex for material objects is a whore and c) objects in the microwave get extremely hot. Now you know! THANKS COMMON SENSE! :thatsgreat: I hope you made this up kid, I really hope. I got Goldeneye, think thats enough to buy her silence? WHO THE HELL SAYS COOTER!?!?!?!?!? Girlfriend, you're 22, thats rape!


Bingo!

Please...please, someone move this to the Melee...don't make me beg...

beef flaps July 28th, 2005 10:46 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Melee? This is spam at it's finest.
SPAM forum please!
:beer:

NuclearFieldMarshall July 28th, 2005 10:46 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Quote:
Please...please, someone move this to the Melee...don't make me beg...
YES, PLEASE!

Aeroflot July 28th, 2005 10:46 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Would you guys be acting the same if he cut her there and she started to bleed heavily?

... Oh well, I'm not going to get anywhere with this.. at least I tried.

Tap112 July 28th, 2005 10:46 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
This thread is turning me on...is that wrong? My priest says it's just natural.

Komrad_B July 28th, 2005 10:46 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Red Menace
Dude, Goldeneye was a kickass game if he's got that he has her silence!
Point taken. I've never been good at it tho, my friends always killed me :(

Quote:
OH SHIT!
Don't worry, what he says can't be true. This story is there to get us mad, so he gets more attention. A loser such as this would not even be able to get a 15 years old whore into is home.

NuclearFieldMarshall July 28th, 2005 10:47 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Beef, after all that we've been though in the "Teens and sex.." thread, can you believe this?

FX-Fragger July 28th, 2005 10:47 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
You could try blowing on it... that should help.

But seriously, if this is true (and its not) your boned... maybe you should just turn gay, cause you dont seem to make a very good straight guy.

Red Menace July 28th, 2005 10:47 PM
Re: Help- I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nordicvs
Please...please, someone move this to the Melee...don't make me beg...
Fun for the whole family!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dobry wieczór
Would you guys be acting the same if he cut her there and she started to bleed heavily?

... Oh well, I'm not going to get anywhere with this.. at least I tried.
Dorby if he is serious (which I hope he isnt or should have been removed from the gene pool long before this) thankyou for helping. But now its our turn.


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