REDNECK VALENTINE

***Sni(+)peR*** · August 30th, 2000

"A Redneck Valentine

Collards is green,
mah dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okra
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right outta the can.

You have some'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix whut you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in mah bed.

Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shert,
you spark up mah life
more'n a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
mah life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a Mountain Dew drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day;
They git it at K-Mart,
it's romantic that way

Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at 7-11.
"That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market stall.
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, proud and tall.

But for this man, honey,
these trinkets won't do.
Cause yor'e too special,
you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,
without taste nor an odor,
more useful than diamonds......
IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!!

Luv, from yor romeo, Billy Bob "