Bollocks
 

Privacy!

Re: Bollocks
 

P.S. They told me not to ingest anything beforehand, but I ingested a shitload of beer and sambuca and they don't seem to care. So go nuts!

Wasn't a pun. But could be.

Re: Bollocks
 

Sorry to hear that m8. I know a guy who had a nut lopped off for the same reason about 15 years ago now and he did fine. I seem to remember the drugs they gave him afterwards made him sick but I am guessing things have moved on since then.

My sons going to Telford this weekend for some comic con type of thing.
edit ^ I know wtf, a totally random statement.

Re: Bollocks
 

My prayers are with you.

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Presumeably? So you're not entirely sure it'll be done at the hospital, instead of a dark alley behind a pharmacy?

I wish you the best of luck.

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Holy fucking hell, lad, that's pretty schocking. Hope your life continues as normaly with half manness less... You're still awesome though <3

May the Gods of Ásgarð be with you.

Re: Bollocks
 

At least it wasn't something serious. Might've been your liver or a lung.

Re: Bollocks
 

I dunno, that sounds pretty damn serious to me!

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Well, atleast such cancer only affects one ball, and it's likely testosterone and sperm levels stay good regardless if one is removed.

So check for lumps, guys.

Re: Bollocks
 

Sorry to hear that. I hope you'll be ok after the operation.

From what I know it is one of the types of cancer where your chances are quite good.

Re: Bollocks
 

Good luck Matt! Sorry to hear that it had to happen.

Re: Bollocks
 

It's still cancer, and in a very unfortunate place. I've never thought of having cancer (even treatable) as anything less than serious.

Re: Bollocks
 

Damn dude! :(
Sorry to hear that.

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As Fancy said, it's one of the "best" forms of cancer to have. Still sucks balls though (see wat i did thar?). Best of luck with it. Afterwards, you'll have a superball! You can try bouncing it off things to see how high it will go! Or omg, swap it to the other side of your scrotum! Is that possible? Don't twist the cord though, that leads to more surgery.

Re: Bollocks
 

In all honesty though, if I had to get my balls cut off, I'd ask them to hand them over. Take a jar filled with formaldehyde and keep them in my bookshelf.

Re: Bollocks
 

That's.... odd. I can't say I wouldn't do the same, but still...

Re: Bollocks
 

Wow, that sucks. Best of luck, broseph.

Re: Bollocks
 

Turns out they do mind if you drink beforehand; they had to delay by several hours, and I got some angry glares. Fortunately (?) I had done so a long time before turning up, so it didn't need to be cancelled out of hand. So bad advice there folks! And general anaesthetic it so much better than booze anyway. I'm going to ask if I can take some with me.

They don't foresee any complications because I'm awesome ('robust' was the word used, but I take that to mean awesome), so they're considering my request to let me go home a little earlier than they usually would let me*. It was caught early, so it was straightforward and no radiotherapy is required either - lesson to be learned there; don't be embarassed, go straight to your doctor at the first sign of trouble to avoid making things worse for yourself.

And now I know how Hitler felt.

Good to tell somebody about it all though, even if I don't know y'all in the flesh, so thanks guys. For obvious reasons I've kept it on the down-low (lol) from family and friends. They think I've gone to visit a friend out of town for a couple of days. A fucked-up friend who steals balls while you're asleep apparently.

And no, I don't want it put in a jar for posterity. That's strange. You're strange. Stop being strange.

* To be honest I think they're getting tired of the constant bollock puns. I just told a nurse that I'd nut him, for example.

Re: Bollocks
 

Are they going to fit a false one ? If not ask if they have a pickled onion they can put in as a temp thing :p

Re: Bollocks
 

That was offered, but I declined. Implants can cause complications later down the line, according to my research (like breast implants; they're made of the same silicone after all), and I'd like to go for the rest of my life without any more males handling my junk.

Re: Bollocks
 

On the plus side though, it means less scratching of your balls! ;)

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Shoulda made that half into a coinpurse. Y'know, for paying for things you'd rather not.

Re: Bollocks
 

Well man. It feels good to know its done well and fine. You'd at least feel less pain next time when kicked in the crotch. You know how it feels.
And yes, it does feel really lonely to go through something like that without a family member or friend around :( Not that its a life threatening surgery but it still helps to have a dear one around to support you and not make you feel lonely.

Anyway, make sure to cut down the drinking and smoking things so that you live healthily and actively for the rest of your Mattman superhero life.

Re: Bollocks
 

Are you going to plant it and grow a clone or am I wasting my time?

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Come to think of it, how does this alter the probability of the other nut getting cancer at some point ? Is it worth getting some...put on ice, so to speak, as insurance against the chance you ever want kids and the unfortunate happening again?

Re: Bollocks
 

YOU TAKE ANY PHOTOS? Because, I mean, I've never seen another ma-I've only seen a few other men's testicles before.

Re: Bollocks
 

You don't mind if I quote that entirely out of context for the rest of the life of this forum, do you?

Re: Bollocks
 

Sig it.

Re: Bollocks
 

Deffinetly sig it.

Matt, glad to know you're alright. You really need to have some big balls to go th... I mean... You have to have... A ball to... Yeah, you're brave as fuck, man.

With this, I think Graeme can rest from the circusicion puns (which stopped long ago, but still).

Re: Bollocks
 

Dafuq you tryin' to say, son!

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He got circumsized, remember?

I was way too tired to think when I wrote that.

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There is currently an international ban on the proliferation of Matts, so I'm afraid not.

I don't ever intend to aid in the production of one of those snot-nosed, self-disgracing little money suckers so that wasn't a concern of mine. As far as I know there isn't a particularly elevated risk of the spare being affected unless it has spread, which it hasn't. And were that to occur, I'd be far more concerned about the significant impact that the loss of both jewels would have on my body. For one thing, my sex life would be over (and it happens rarely enough as it is); for another thing anything involving testosterone would be fucked as well - my time at the gym would be pointless, for example. One walnut can perform the job of both if it has to without any particularly negative impacts, but if your entire bag of nuts is empty you've got bigger problems than fathering nappy nashers.

All photos can be found at www.mattspyjamaparty.com. Pre-op, I'm afraid.

I would be surprised and astonished if you didn't.

Re: Bollocks
 

erm ... Could you send it to me? I lost the table tennis ball lately :confused:

please. No? Why? Oh ok.

Re: Bollocks
 

Doesn't bounce. You wouldn't want it.

Re: Bollocks
 

Was that part of the operation? Testing its bounce capabilities?

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I had already tested that.

Re: Bollocks
 

try hitting it with a table tennis bat and you'd know better, mate.

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Given that I now lack reserve forces in that regard, I think that I'm going to try and avoid twatting myself in the nether regions 'for SCIENCE' from now on.

Re: Bollocks
 

you should change your name to 50 cent now....