Is this poetry better than my earlier stuff?
 

:):confused:

I, too, bleed in my heart.
I am the warm and cold symptoms of my lover.
I am the pump that takes from the deep well, the deep well of despairs.
Free flowing, warm ,or cold ,shivered my blood may be.
With the seasons I can change, when she is near him in the Fall I sound like Spring.
When it is Winter , fire is set to me so that I may burn to make her warm.
During the summer I melt for her, so that he can hold her together in the heat.
I am her heart , and I beat a drum for all seasons.
I am in a band, his and hers band.
I have a few fans, and it makes it all worth while.
My fans, they love me.

Re: Is this poetry better than my earlier stuff?
 

No, not really.

Allow me to explain myself. I don't remember any of your 'earlier stuff' besides the fact that I didn't like it, which when I read this again doesn't really shock me. It's an abstract poem that's awkwardly written and has whimsically structured sentences. The imagery doesn't really do it for me, as it's too arbitrary, such as for instance "During the summer I melt for her, so that he can hold her together in the heat" seems like it was haphazardly produced by a Random Machine. It's just very random, not well written nor has it any sensible narrative or evokes any kinds of emotions in me other than 'huh?'.

Re: Is this poetry better than my earlier stuff?
 

You're a fast reader.

Re: Is this poetry better than my earlier stuff?
 

Not really; it's a short post.

Re: Is this poetry better than my earlier stuff?
 

Well, I guess I should be thankful for your opinions. Thanks.

Re: Is this poetry better than my earlier stuff?
 

"
After some nights I walk in my sleep.
I dream of a great big valley, one where all can love.
I dream of a valley that never floods of the rain, and is wet only by a few tears.
Politicians, the sound of thunder applauding our efforts, and their lightning enlightens our paths. I dream.
I dream of golden bridges, that are used to get anyone somewhere, a path that glistens.
I dream of money that is all green
I dream of pride that is American.
I dream of a people that is an American people.
The land of promises to an American people .I dream.
I dream of those promises.
I dream of those people.
I dream of America.
I dream !"

Re: Is this poetry better than my earlier stuff?
 

I like it! I haven't seen any of your other poems, but this one has a certain flow that just keeps me reading. It doesn't really give me that mental orgasm (sorry, that's the best way I can describe these things), but it's definately a nice piece to read in my opinion

Re: Is this poetry better than my earlier stuff?
 

Turn the second one into something really cynical about dreaming, and it could be a good slam poem, or whatever those are called. But those are all about the delivery, mostly.

Re: Is this poetry better than my earlier stuff?
 

Turbanator doesnt like poems But if he did he would like yours.

Re: Is this poetry better than my earlier stuff?
 

I don't really recognize the difference to your normal posts. ;)

It's far too abstract for my tastes though, never been a big fan of poetry.

Re: Is this poetry better than my earlier stuff?
 

Turbanator is no big fan of poetry either But if my heart was not made of metal Then it would have touched it

Re: Is this poetry better than my earlier stuff?
 

Unlike everyone else here, I cherish poetry, and, well brian, I hate to break it to you, but writing of any sort isn't your forté, especially not poetry.

The first one seems like it was written by someone who is barely even literate, and the second sounds like a Martin Luther King wannabe. Sure, repetition is great for persuasive speech, but it's pretty cliché.

Re: Is this poetry better than my earlier stuff?
 

Same here. I've never liked poetry particularly either . . so I am a bit biased. I have this baseless (I'm completely serious here) that all poetry outside of Coffee Shops and post 1980s is written by women and people with raging emotions. That isn't true, but it is the first thing that comes to my head when I think of poetry. Could that be counted as misogyny?

Re: Is this poetry better than my earlier stuff?
 

Well, no one can say that you weren't creative with your input . I admit though that some of my English papers, if they could speak would beg to differ that I can not write anything good. Sure, the grammar stinks but I know that I CAN have some deep ideas, not to say that they are beyond others but yes I CAN have them.

Re: Is this poetry better than my earlier stuff?
 

Deep ideas mean nothing if you don't make sense when trying to get them across in a certain medium. ;) It's like you're trying to fit too much into one poem. Find one idea and stick with it and work on getting it across to your target audience really well.