His Eyes
 

Something I whipped up tonight. I was inspired by several Creepypastas. Hooked on those things, it seems.

Anywho...


I remember once when I was around 13 years old, having to stay in the hospital for a few days due to an infection. I can’t sleep in any bed but my own, so as you can imagine, I barely slept those three days.
But in the few precious hours of sleep I did manage to get, I remember being awoken by…something. Something near me. Something in the room. Have you ever been standing in a crowd, and have that strange feeling like you’re being watched? You don’t know where, you don’t know how or why. You just know that you’re being watched.
“It isn’t real,” I’d tell myself. “It’s just your brain playing tricks on you.”
Except it wasn’t my brain. Because that didn’t explain the breathing on the back of my neck.
I lay there, quivering, trying not to move. Trying not to shake. Trying not to breathe.
Suddenly I’m awake, and I sit bolt upright in bed, adrenaline pumping through my veins. Nothing. There was nothing. But something was still wrong. It was too quiet. The silence was so abundant it was almost loud. Deafening. I glanced over at the door and noticed something slowly flowing from under it, into my room from the hallway. I pulled myself out of my bed and walked over to the door, knelt down. Red. Whatever it was, it was red. I stood up and slowly, quietly, turned the handle.
The door creaked open slowly, and as I beheld the hallway, my throat closed so fast, I couldn’t even scream.
Blood. Everywhere. Smeared on the walls, on the floor. I looked up. On the ceiling. Despite the horror I couldn’t stand still. I began walking through the puddles and…and the body parts. Arms and legs. Torsos. Heads. Littering the entire hallway. I began running, sprinting through the halls, and my voice slowly returned to me. I screamed for help. I screamed for anybody, anybody to be there, anybody to answer me.
And there, in the lobby, I found someone. His back was facing me, and he was on his knees. Almost as if he was praying. I slowly approached him from behind, calling to him. Nothing. He didn’t move, and I swear he didn’t breathe. I was less than a foot away from him now and I could confirm it…he wasn’t breathing. I reached out to touch him, and as soon as I made contact, his head jerked around so fast, I fell backward. He had no nose. No mouth. Just eyes. Glowing, crimson eyes. He lumbered to me as I scurried away as fast as I could..but it wasn’t fast enough. He leapt towards me.
The doctors tell me it was all hallucination. I refuse to believe it. It couldn’t have been. I felt the blood on my feet. The sickening thud of human body parts being pushed out of the way by my legs.
I have never set foot in a hospital since the events of that week.
And to this day, I cannot sleep in my own bed.
I see his eyes everywhere.

Re: His Eyes
 

Re: His Eyes
 

I agree with Lindale. The story was well written, the only thing I didn't like is the formatting - which you can change easily. Just space your paragraphs out a bit. =p

Re: His Eyes
 

It is more than just that. You need to figure out what sentences would match best with which paragraph, as well as figure out the best order of the sentences.

For example, see the story I posted almost a year ago:

Re: His Eyes
 

Thanks guys. Glad someone likes my writing. :)

Re: His Eyes