3162827

Samochód Pancerny! (Gesundheit.)

August 28th, 2006 10:40 AM

This article dedicated to Samochód Pancerny Wz.29 "Ursus" and Wz.34 model armored car. Highly mobile Polish scout and, as state design document, "Samochód ten wywodzi się z półgasienicowego samochodu pancernego wz.28, który został opracowany w Polsce na bazie zakupionych we Francji podwosi Citroën-Kegresse B2 10CV", or equip with Zenith of France engine manufacture design for extraneous infantry whoopass."

Both armor car: 37mm Puteaux S.A. 1918 L/21 gun or 7.92mm Hotchkiss model 1925 MG. Wz.34 only 37mm or Hotchkiss gun, Wz.29 both gun, depend model. Wz.29 Ursus 4-cylinder engine 35 horses power for 35km/h top speed, we reach Berlin in 2 days, ha ha!



Combined production of interwar Polish armored cars was less than 100, with 8 Wz.29 and several dozen Wz.34 equipping forward units by 1939. Underpowered, they still performed reasonably well. This is the ultimate sexymobile for blunting German armored spearheads, if you don't mind dying a lot.

Built on the basis of trucks, these units were designed for scouting the wide open flag Polish countryside in support of infantry units. While the Wz.34 was a good design, the Wz.29 had more flaws than old Wladislaw on his third bottle of Wyborowa, including lack of AWD, no radio, light armor, high profile, small crew compartment, low reverse speed (SAMOCHOD PANCERNY NEVER RETREAT, DESPITE ITALIAN-MAKE ENGINE), and a propensity to TIP OVER AND BLOW UP FOR NO DISCERNIBLE REASON WHATSOEVER.

Nonetheless, the fact that Polish armored officers were issued far nicer berets than their German counterparts made them a force to be reckoned with. During September of 1939, these vehicles operated with a degree of success, often being waved through German checkpoints by guards mistaking them for pizza delivery vehicles.

I'm trying to find nice and funny things to say about these, really, I am. I just think they're cool, slick vehicles. However, my enjoyment of both models is just tempered by the fact that they inevitably blow up within seconds of engaging enemy tanks, infantry, or 90-year-old women with zimmer frames. That said, few things are more gratifying than flanking and causing massive infantry rape with 37mm fire. But bring a wrench, you'll need it if you live long enough.

1. Wz.29 / Wz.34 perfect for flat Polish territory maneuvering. Hillside better left to mounted hussars, damn French 35Hp engine no good. Extra power deliver by ZUBROWKA vodka injection only in emergency case, vodka reserve for crew!

2. 7.92mm Hotchkiss MG good for infantry. MG-equip SAMOCHOD PANCERNY incorporate second weapon "artilleria spotski". Unfortunate, Polish high command forget equip forward units with artilleria. Only artilleria weapon Armata Przeciwpancerna Wz.36 anti tank gun.

3. Keep mobile. Everything hurt you. Poor damn WARSZAWA ARMARMENTS PLANT manufacture forget armor plating on SAMOCHODNY. Defense Minister Rumsfeldski question about this repeatedly, plausible denial.

4. Use F10-view watch for tree, pothold. No worse stopping than when engage high-speed PANCERNY GERMAN!

5. 37mm Puteaux gun "HIGH EXPLOSIVE" munition. Good for destroy all German invader unit. Pz.II take 2-3 shot hit to track, Pz.38(t) take 3 shot.

6. 37mm Puteaux gun shoot very straight. All enemy unit require direct hit, include infantry.

7. SAMOCHODNY PANCERNY most mobile Poland armor unit. SAMOCHODNY PANCERNY also very high profile and visibility. Use for scout armor attack on "Eastern Blitz" North flag and for destroy sneaky German infantry. Good hunting ground: forests North of Fall Weiss river, and North of EB city.

8. 37mm Puteaux gun cause armored car tip over sideways when fire 90 degrees to side. Use caution, cannot accelerate away from Satchel while tip over sideways.

9. Always bring wrench. Take maximum 2 PzB35 hit for kill -- Sneak on infantry from behind.

10. If hadn't been for damn France and Russian treachery, Poland win war all alone using only armored car! Bastards.

11. Wz. series vulnerable to antitank rifle, hand grenade, rifle grenade, SdKfz. 222, Panzer II, Panzer 38(t), 88mm antitank gun, angry German with shovel and other weapon. Use cautious.

12. Polish girls, German girls, nufski said.

13. We promise we'll have something really funny again in a few days. However, MINISTRY OF TRUTH has simply not supplied sufficient coffee to cause inspiration

3162850

Re: Samochód Pancerny! (Gesundheit.)

August 28th, 2006 10:50 AM

:lol::lol:, love it!

3162952

Re: Samochód Pancerny! (Gesundheit.)

August 28th, 2006 11:28 AM

Gah correction: I've just been informed that I mis-translated one of the damn Polish pages on this thing, and that the Wz.29 did 45km/h and the Wz.34 55km/h top speed. Oops. Blame the orcs.

3162983

Re: Samochód Pancerny! (Gesundheit.)

August 28th, 2006 11:39 AM

Excellent Fuzzy. You are the man!!

Wasn't that the model that had a sausage maker in the back to go with the chilled vodka??

3163497

Re: Samochód Pancerny! (Gesundheit.)

August 28th, 2006 01:26 PM

I get the feeling the exhaust fumes of them things are more potent then that thing.

anyway, again great work fuzzy!

3163890

Re: Samochód Pancerny! (Gesundheit.)

August 28th, 2006 02:56 PM

extraneous infantry whoopass sounds sexy

Fuzzy, are you a car salesman?

3164472

Re: Samochód Pancerny! (Gesundheit.)

August 28th, 2006 05:50 PM

Good one! And Polish girls really are hot .

3164958

Re: Samochód Pancerny! (Gesundheit.)

August 28th, 2006 09:54 PM

Do the Matilda, do the Matilda! Oh please, do the Matilda!!!