Awesomely awesome read...
 

About 5 real life rambos that my bro sent me... #5 was a great story. You already know most of them.

5 Real Life Soldiers Who Make Rambo Look Like a Pussy | Cracked.com

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Jack Churchill is my new heroe: "If it wasn't for those damn Yanks, we could have kept the war going another 10 years!"

And don't miss this related link: http://www.cracked.com/article_16354...r-uttered.html

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Don't forget Tony Stein.

Tony Stein - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

"For conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of his life above and beyond the call of duty while serving with Company A, First Battalion, Twenty-Eighth Marines, Fifth Marine Division, in action against enemy Japanese forces on Iwo Jima, in the Volcano Island, February 19, 1945. The first man of his unit to be on station after hitting the beach in the initial assault, Corporal Stein, armed with a personally improvised aircraft-type weapon, provided rapid covering fire as the remainder of his platoon attempted to move into position and, when his comrades were stalled by a concentrated machine-gun and mortar barrage, gallantly stood upright and exposed himself to the enemy's view, thereby drawing the hostile fire to his own person and enabling him to observe the location of the furiously blazing hostile guns. Determined to neutralize the strategically placed weapons, he boldly charged the enemy pillboxes one by one and succeeded in killing twenty of the enemy during the furious single-handed assault.

Cool and courageous under the merciless hail of exploding shells and bullets which fell on all sides, he continued to deliver the fire of his skillfully improvised weapon at a tremendous rate of speed which rapidly exhausted his ammunition. Undaunted, he removed his helmet and shoes to expedite his movements on ran back to the beach for additional ammunition, making a total of eight trips under intense fire and carrying or assisting a wounded man back each time. Despite the unrelenting savagery and confusion of battle, he rendered prompt assistance to his platoon whenever the unit was in position, directing the fire of a half-track against a stubborn pillbox until he had effected the ultimate destruction of the Japanese fortification. Later in the day, although his weapon was twice shot from his hands, he personally covered the withdrawal of his platoon to the company position. Stouthearted and indomitable, Corporal Stein, by his aggressive initiative, sound judgment and unwavering devotion to duty in the face of terrific odds, contributed materially to the fulfillment of his mission, and his outstanding valor throughout the bitter hours of conflict sustained and enhanced the highest traditions of the United States Naval Service.

Less than two weeks after the action in which he earned the Nation's highest award for valor, on March 1, 1945, he was killed during a mission in which he and a group of fellow Marines had volunteered to locate some enemy machine gun emplacements which were holding up the advance of his entire company."

His gun:
http://img141.imageshack.us/img141/1510/machinegun.jpg

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What the hell happened to Cracked magazine?! Man, what a change! In my youth it was the down-market MAD Magazine wannabee (there have never been better line drawings in magazines than those by MAD Magazine's Mort Drucker - the famous MAD movie parodies that he did the artwork on were my drug. Drucker was a god to me):
I never read Cracked as a kid because I thought it was beneath such a sophisticated 11-year-old as I was, preferring the much more intellectually stimulating philosophy as expressed by the MAD avatar Alfred E Neumann: .

But this news stuff from Cracked is pretty good, and I quit MAD about 1971. I think it isn't even published anymore. So who's laughing now, huh?

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Lets keep these coming, any wars, any time frame.


I was actually a little disappointed it was only 5 guys.

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I used to read Cracked all the time when I was a kid. They went belly up sometime in the early 2000s and then re-made the magazine into your standard "college bro" magazine with lots of women everywhere. This remake failed horribly and now they're doing internet stuff I guess.

Mad magazine was funny, but I liked Crackeds humor and art better.

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I was told this report about a Catawba Indian warrior from South Carolina:

The warrior was captured by the Shawnee in Virginia while on a hunting expedition. Before being captured, he killed 5 Shawnee. The Shawnee stripped him, put a rope around his neck, and prepared to march him back to their town in New York at a running pace. They intended to have the wives of the Shawnee braves that he killed torture him to death. When he arrived outside the town, the Catawba brave pretended to drop from exhaustion. The Shawnee untied his rope and picked him up to carry him into the town. When they lifted him up, he jumped down and ran off. The Shawnee followed him, and he jumped into a river. The Shawnee were firing at him so he swam halfway through the river underwater, then came up for air and swam to the other side. The Shawnee were still shooting at him, so he mooned them before heading off into the woods.

A search party followed, but when the Shawnee made camp for the night they did not post sentries. They didn't think one naked man alone in the woods far from home was much of a threat. Instead of running farther away, the Catawba warrior snuck into their camp, took a knife from a sleeping Shawnee brave and slit the throats of all the sleeping Shawnee. He then traveled back to Virginia, dug up the graves of the five Shawnee which he had previously killed at the time of his capture, and scalped them before returning to his hometown in South Carolina.

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Now that dude is a psycho!!! LMAO Digging up graves and killing them again!

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This is completly forgetting Hein Severloh, the Beast of Omaha Beach!
Heinrich Severloh - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

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He has my vote for All-Time Bad-est Ass.

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Dear god!! He dug up the bodies then scalped them! Talk about complete badass...

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When I pressed that link and discovered what it was about I immediatly thought about Jack Churchill. That guy was one of most awesome soldiers out there, bow, claymore and bagpipe. Brilliant.

Never heard of Alvin York before but great story, a pacifist who kills so many by just staying calm and think about practice shooting at basic camp and turkey hunting at home. And comes home with 133 prisoners, epic moment. Is it a counter-attack? Oh no it's York again.

EDIT: This one is awesome to read too: http://www.cracked.com/article_16354...r-uttered.html
Dying with humour is a good thing I guess!

They miss one very good one though:
"I see that you have made three spelling mistakes."
Thomas de Mahay, his last words when he read his death sentence before they sliced him with a guilliotine.

Most epic loading quote in Empire: Total War.

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I like the "Baddass of the Week's" rendition of Simo Hayha's feints a bit more, but is was an awesome article none the less. Thanks for pointing it out. :)