Twas the night before Christmas and all throught the house...
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse
Mom at the whorehouse and Dad smoking grass, i'd just settled down for a nice piece of ass
When out on the lawn I saw a big dick
I knew right away it must be Saint Nick
He came down the chimney like a bat outta hell
I knew for certain the fucker had fell
He filled all our stockings with pretzels and beer
And a big rubber dick for my brother the queer
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart... the son of a bitch blew the chimney apart
He swore and he cussed as he rode out of sight: Piss on you all and have a bitch of a night!